15 December 2010

Stirring up Murky Water

Rick and I were planning on going to Houston, Texas for Christmas this year. Rick has three lovely children, and it is his year to have them for Christmas. But sad things are going on in Texas, a place where children are saying things that I don't really think they mean. Even if they THINK they mean the things they say, Deep down, no child would act this way to an undeserving parent. And if anyone deserves to be treated badly, it is certainly not Rick Beeman. He may be goofy, silly, loving and fun, but he hasn't a mean spirited bone in his entire body, nor does he have any criminal history or background. No arrests. No crimes. Nothing in his past or present to indicate anything short of being an overall decent person. But I guess the meanness in others makes up for his deficit. Its the most ridiculous excuse I've ever heard, and i blame the adults in Texas for 100% of their actions attitudes and remarks.

Manipulation and Alienation are funny things. Hilariously sad really. To think that someone can raise children with another human being and 12 years later, decide that they no longer want to raise children together, the kids end up getting screwed. Its so sad to hear the things being taught in this house. I do not have to go there to know what is going on.  A little bit of psychology goes a long way in this world. That and some common sense as well as the growing statistics on the subject.

These kids are not bad, they are wonderful sweet kids. All three of them. But they have become a product of their environment. I don't have to witness the environment first hand to know without a doubt the crap that is going on.  As any computer programmer will tell you Garbage in/ Garbage out. Or to quote the bible, you will know a tree by its fruit. A good tree bears good fruit. You cannot claim to have Christ in your heart and hate your brother. These two truths can not co-exist.  And for a mother to do anything less than encourage children to be respectful, courteous, and to have a relationship with the person that has made their life possible is abhorrible. Yes, that is what i'm calling it. And if you want to see some of the synonyms with abhorrible - here they are:

Definition: loathsome, abominable, detestable
Synonyms: abhorred, abhorrent, accursed, atrocious, awful, despicable, disgusting, execrable, godawful, grody, gross*, hateable, hateful, heinous, horrid, lousy, low-down, maggot, monstrous, obnoxious, odious, offensive, outrageous, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, rotten, shocking, sorry, vile

And just so you know what this is not
: admirable, adorable, adored, cherished, likeable, loveable, prized, respectable, respected

And do i blame the kids? ABSOLUTELY NOT. They are not to blame  in the least bit. This is how they are being raised and how they are being taught.  The "parents" that teach/model/exhibit the behavior that is being acted out are at fault.  And i'm not going to sit here and look at a ship wreck and call it a steam boat. No, its a wreck. A wreck is a wreck. No matter how you dress it. It is going down.

Now i know some amazing children where their parents don't live together. These are my favorite kids in the world, though they are growing up. But their father comes INSIDE their mothers house, takes them to school, church and the like. Their father calls them on the phone. Their father is part of their life just as much as their mother. And their mother would absolutely not tolerate any disrespect or hate towards their father. Because that is not how civilized people behave. They put their differences aside, and carry on. For the kids. They model good behavior.

And the kids are still involved with his family and her family, because when you have children together, that is what you sign up for. Together or apart, the family is still the family. They have made ideal of a less than ideal situation. Because that is what well respected, mentally healthy individuals do for the sake of their kids, regardless of their own selfish desires.

There is no reason that Rick and I should shudder to even imagine stepping foot inside his ex wifes house, but we do. Not that we are afraid, but we are not even welcome on the driveway of the property to pick up the kids, and we would not be welcome to even sit in a parked car out front and wait. The pick up is more of a drive by. Kids jump in the car the instant he arrives and he has to quickly drive off.... or else. Or else WHAT?

What is wrong with this picture?? Why is it that there are actual threats and big fears here? Who is so intimidated by my husband and his relationship with his children that they have become scared to allow it to exist? And that's what i'm calling it. Fear. It is just Hurt and Fear. And this "fear" may be masked as anger, hurt, hate, dislike, etc etc, but children do not just suddenly put stipulations on a relationship with their father by their own doing. And by suddenly i mean over the past few years. It just isn't how a normal earth spins on its axis.  No, kids don't realize they can "manipulate" in this way unless it is taught. So what is going on here??

Children should not be allowed to "block" a parent from calling them. And a parent should equally encourage their children to contact the parent they do not live with, on a monthly, if not weekly basis. And anything else is just wrong. Children should be handed a phone on their fathers birthday and fathers day, Christmas and thanksgiving and told to call their father, regardless if they think they "want" to. 

If someone would allow the children to talk to their father, Or maybe a better choice of words here is  ENCOURAGE the children to talk to their father - then it would happen. I know good and well that their behavior is in their mothers HANDS and she could very well encourage good things, but this is simply not the case here. It doesn't take a PhD Psychologist to determine, you cannot control Rick Beeman, but you CAN control his kids. I wonder how long that is going to work out.

Its sad when the only glimpse of Ricks kids, or sound of their voice since September has come from a YOUTUBE video i found on the childrens school website while looking at their holiday calendar.

Rick's Son Max is the one to start the video out, and his daughter shows up in a superman costume in about the 2:36 mark. I'm sure they will be so angry that i posted this link. How dare i mention their names! Yes, that is how it goes. 

It is an absolutely heartbreaking situation and I do not blame the kids. No. I blame the people raising the kids day in and day out. The people modeling the bad behavior. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Its time for EVERYONE to grow up and think about what is best. Refusing to cooperate and encourage a relationship between the kids and their father sure doesn't  seem to be the "Christian" thing to do. How's that for Christmas Spirit?

If anyone wants to justify or explain why things like this are "ok" please, comment below. I would love to understand what i'm missing... Dare you provide any answers?


  1. I have no answers, but do have a psycho X-in law family member that could be twinsies with Rick's ex-wife. God Bless. Hope all works out and in time the children may see things differently, unfortunately sounds like a lot of damage may be done by the time they are able. I know that is our fear as well :( best wishes!

  2. I am sorry! The kids will understand the truth in time! Unfortunately, by the time they realize the lies and manipulations they will be adults. Your husband will lose the valuable fun growing years of the children! For that I am deeply sorry! As we have talked before, we are in a similar but totally different situation. Never once have we degraded her and always reminded them that she loved them. He sounds like an excellent man with a huge heart! He should keep his head up and have strength in knowing that he has a new wife that loves and supports him. His kids do love him. They always will. Someone else is responsible for them losing faith in him. They will come around!

  3. Galatians 6:7
    "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap."

    Anyone can TRY to justify actions, and keep the conscience clear, but a man that truly fears God will be the bigger person, in spite of themselves. Actions of pure hearts require NO justification.
    Thanks for all the comments. There were dozens posted to my FB account. I love that we're not alone, as it seems that everyone that has been in the same shoes believes that the tables will one day turn. (as you all have seen) I have not heard one story in opposition.

    I guess we'll see what happens. All we can do is hit our knees and pray steadfast. We appreciate all the prayers and support.

  4. I'm so sorry that the kids' mom has such deep insecurities that she's still trying to use the kids to hurt Rick. I've been divorced too... part of moving on is letting go. She's remarried too, right? So I'm confused as to why she's focusing so much energy on her ex-husband. Obviously Rick is quite a catch :) It's sad that she's doing this to her children intentionally. Does she realize that she'll only be able to bias them for a few short years, then they'll be adults and see both sides of the story, and resent her for basically denying them a relationship with their dad during their teenage years?? As a mom, I do my best to teach my children to be the best they can be - kind, considerate, honest, etc. She needs to take a good look in the mirror and ask herself if what she's doing is the best for them in the long run. How will this affect their present and future relationships, whether romantic or just friendship? Everyone makes mistakes, whether small or large; but what kind of a person will you be if you're taught to never forgive and never give anyone a chance to show you what they're really like? She really needs to quit being shallow and self-centered and be a better example to her children.

  5. B - you are right. It’s a character flaw that will most likely flood into the children's future relationships. It’s so sad! People who alienate and abandon anyone that disagrees with their decisions and say "You don't like my choices, fine, you're dead to me"
    I like how she has a baby and husband, but chooses to read my blog daily, if not multiple times a day, and often from a HIGH SCHOOL TEACHING JOB?? I like how she will read these comments, but sadly nothing we say, nor any truth we reflect, will affect her thoughts or actions. I like how i challenge her to respond, but she hasn't the gall. I like how i emailed her asking her what her problem was and again, she had no reply.
    if anything, sadly, i hate how it will probably just make things worse at home for the kids, and for the already strained relationship between them and their father. I hate how the kids see this as us being the bad guy by writing these words, but more than anything we want the kids to know,