30 November 2010

Rationalizing Fear

- to ascribe (one's acts, opinions, etc.) to causes that superficially seem reasonable and valid but that actually are unrelated to the true, possibly unconscious and often less creditable or agreeable causes.
- to invent plausible explanations for acts, opinions, etc, that are actually based on other causes.

Have you ever watched a scary movie alone in the dark and suddenly every wind gust, every tree branch, or every creak in the house becomes something more, and you find yourself, phone in hand, blunt object in the other, locked away in your room, waiting. You eardrums pound with the beat of your heart. Your mind is full of ideas and you believe those ideas to be true, even if it is only your vivid imagination that has been stirred with these fictitious ideas that have made everything seem so real? You conjure up an idea and without proof to support or refute any claim, you trust the fear, and it consumes you. Your fear is real, regardless of whether or not there are any facts supporting it.

Do you stop to ask yourself, am I just making this up? That it might all just be in your mind, and nothing more.

There were times when I was really scared when I was home alone growing up, even into my teens. Empty houses make strange noises, most people know this. Now that I live alone, I can get a little spooked from time to time, but it is different now, because I have to reason that if there were someone out there, my dogs would bark and growl, and i would know something was up.

There are times that we have to ask ourselves if the things that we have been made to believe are real, or have we just been instilled with ideas that make us believe these things to be real??? The fear is real, but is that the only thing we prove to be true?

As a scientist I have a hard time believing anything without facts to support it, with the exception of my faith, and I suggest that everyone do the same. It is essential to our learning, our development, and to becoming a real part of society, and not just a cardboard cutout, of whatever it is that we have been influenced to become, be it through media, or through other people. We are all impressionable, and that which is taught to us in our youth, can be very good, but until we think for ourselves and can base our ideas and information with facts, we are just exactly who they have shaped us to become. Putty in their hands. Nothing more. Nothing less.

28 November 2010

Dangers of Misinterpretation

Have you noticed how this generation has a little trouble communicating?

Sending a text message rather than picking up the phone to call.
Its convenient when its a quick question that you would rather not take the time to make a call, or interrupt the person, but has it gone too far?

Email and text messaging has become the preferred method of communication, but its not just this new generation that is following the trend. I find that even my generation has followed suit and involve themselves in the back and forth of email or text messaging as they are incapable of communicating like civilized adults. Conversations that could be worked out in minutes through the flow of conversation takes hours, or even days due to misinterpretation and a lapse in time.

Hiding behind text invites a lot of room for communication failure.

Unless you are asking a simple question
"Are you almost here"
"where did you put the ___"

I find text and email too ambiguous. It invites a tone that just might not be there, and who is to say the person "hiding behind the message" is really the person they claim to be...

It is so easy to access someone's email account, grab someone else's cell phone, or invite another person to do your bidding of words.

I find that my "real" grown up friends will pick up the phone and make the call. So I can hear their voice, their tone, and their exact words. And I can ask immediately of the meaning if it is unclear. What is the danger of communicating this way? What are we afraid of? Are we just that lazy that we refuse to answer the phone or communicate openly without room for self interpretation? 

We are entering dangerous grounds allowing our children to hide behind their text messaging. They are failing to develop essential skills necessary for advancing in a hands on world, where, no matter how tech-savvy our world becomes, it still requires the basic competence of talking on the phone, and ultimately, face to face. 

Are we really going to let our fingers do all the talking for us?
Post Script:
To add to this, I myself find that I am too quick to send a text or email rather than use my own voice, but when it comes down to it, I will face anyone and anything. I find that being direct is the best approach and should always be your first solution before using alternative measures. in the end, your efforts will not go unnoticed. At least you can say you tried.

17 November 2010

Check out the BUZZ


Garage Sell Success

I had a garage sale this weekend, my mom was kind enough to drive up to help. She was awesome help too. My mom is the greatest mom in the world, and she came just as Rick was leaving so the timing was perfect, except he never got to see her. 

I sold a LOT of stuff, and the more I think about it, the more i realize, half of the stuff I sold I never even paid for. Old wedding gifts that went unused, gifts from former boyfriends, tools that belonged to a former spouse, things my mother gave me when i bought a house (i.e. furniture), and things that were left at my house over the years that I didn't want or need. I sold things that I took from Rick's house in Texas that were collecting dust in the attic, I sold some old clothes and dresses and there really was something for everyone. I was mostly amused by how excited everyone was about the kitchen drawer items. I must have made $20 just by cleaning out my kitchen drawers and cabinets. I had some really nice cake pans but I never use them anyways, so my trash is your treasure. I sold movies and video games (those i paid for) and my bike. I was sad to see my bicycle go, but happy that it is one less thing to deal with, and lets be honest, I haven't ridden my bike for over a year. Now that I have gotten rid of so much stuff, I am even more motivated to move. I made more money than anyone I know has ever made at a garage sale! $600!!! (and counting)...  Enough to make repairs to the cedar siding on my home AND  donate 10% to the church! Then I made another 100 this week at work selling more stuff on the online bulletin board.

I still have several items that I will sell online (and i'm certain they will sell), and then once I pack up the upstairs of my house, i'll have two beds, dressers, a desk, and a bookcase, and then a house and car!

The key to making money in a garage sale is to know your goal. If your goal is to make a lot of money, you will probably not succeed. If your goal is to get rid of your stuff for a reasonable price and you are willing to haggle and be haggled, then you will succeed. I am certain that the people that walked away got great deals because, again, my goal was to get rid of the stuff.  I mean, i had a jewelry box from Hello Kitty, aka Sanrio Surprises from the mid 80s (about the time Rick started college) that I sold to my friend Vanessa for $1 and her daughter stated, That's just what i always wanted (for Christmas). :) I love that kid. And my neighbors kids who came and took a halloween decoration that made noise (haha) and a trophy my soccer team won (what did i want with that??) 

So Garage Sell Success indeed! 

My mother and I then drove to the dump to take some worthless things (mostly trash and home movies). A large load to goodwill, and I have a friend coming in a week or two to take the things that i just couldn't sell and since i did so well, won't bother trying. We were worried (because of all the stuff I had set out) that nobody would come and the stuff wouldn't get gone, so the night before the sale, i prayed for my husbands safety as he traveled home, and I prayed for people to come to my sale. And they came and came. From 7am (despite advertised 8am time) to 11:45 they came in droves. There was hardly a time of quiet.

My last customer was a 92 year old lady on her way to volunteer at the Art Museum looking for items for her grandkids (probably great grandkids ). She drove by herself and walked without a limp, and I was just amazed by her livelihood! My dogs were well behaved, but the gold star goes to my mom for helping me !

Only 2 months to go give or take and i'm busting out of here! Excited to see what else life has in store!

11 November 2010

Ellie can be smelly

i had a dream that i somehow got my dogs to Dubai under the radar, but unfortunately i never had Ellie microchipped. So they wouldn't let me fly home with her when it was time to come back. She was stuck there forever with no record of even existing!

i gotta get my dog chipped :)

05 November 2010

Surprise of all surprises

I am a very hard person to surprise. It just doesn't happen. I am too curious for my own good, and tend to unravel even the best laid plan.

Last night about half an hour or less after i arrived home i heard a car door shut (in my driveway). I thought maybe it was a neighbors house b/c on the cul-de-sac, everything echoes and sounds closer. Then a knock at the door.

Nobody comes to my house and knocks on the door unexpected. I know when someone is going to come over. Only a few times have i been "blessed" with surprise visitors. I look out the window and don't recognize the car, so i open the garage door and walk outside.

A man is standing on my front porch and starts walking my way. Is it... ??
its rick? ITS RICK! I can't register how this is happening. How is it that he is here. All day I was frustrated b/c i found out i will be needing surgery and wanted to talk it over with him, but he was completely out of touch. I called his Dubai cell over and over, but no answer. I was getting upset.

And now, it all made sense. He was on an airplane. He was coming to rescue me from myself.

It was just tuesday when i begged him to come home to see me. I cried and cried because I was that miserably depressed and doing a horrible job at getting through.

And now, here he is. For the next week. I have him.

How's that for a surprise!

03 November 2010

A little hiatus

The most recent post i made about Amsterdam was a recapture of a trip i took in September of 2009.
There are many other trips to be written about with photos to accompany, but it was all I could think about on that day.

I am living in an overwhelming world right now... aren't we all?

I get it, mine should be so less compared to the things i COULD be dealing with.... but these are the cards i'm handed. This is my hand. And how how must i use my best time and mental capacity to conquer such things.

I miss my husband a lot. I won't see him until the end of the year.

My moving date is still not set.
My dissertation still needs a lot of work. i'm contemplating the what-ifs right now.
My day job alone is quite busy and i'm tired.
Not to mention the daily activities that must be done in order to survive.

I'm having a hard time finding any desire to eat, often going through an entire day with nothing more than an apple on my stomach.  I'm just not interested in food. I wish it weren't so, but that's just the way it is right now.
I wish i could say that this was awesome. That my pants are falling off of me and i'm wasting away into nothing because my body is feeding off itself. Isnt' that disgusting? My brain is probably eating itself too in order to get the nourishment it needs to function. Now that's an image. And to top it off, check this out:

My struggles are so small and minute in comparison with what's going on in the rest of the world, but this is my world. These are my struggles. And when people wonder why i'm not writing lately

Who has time to write? I guess i better go figure out a solution before i turn into a big pile of mush :)