30 June 2010

I can justify anything

I love reading the paper and watching the news. Not because of the events but because of the human psyche. People are marvelous, complex, but so degenerate.

Today a inmate crew was cleaning up a freeway a county down the road. (Durham county). They found a bag of remains, which initially were thought to be animal remains. Turns out it was human. Or I should say the decomposed remains of what was one a human body. In the earliest report, they were ruling that it might be a homicide... Quite an intelligent statement by said authorities.  I would have ruled it a suicide personally. a quite elaborate one. Its very conceivable. put yourself inside a trashbag, cover your head with another one, and die of asphyxiation. OH, and on top of that you have to walk because a stranded car would tip them off. Clearly i jest. It was obviously a homicide. But that's my unprofessional opinion. What do i know.

IN other news, the woman that accused the Duke lacrosse boys of rape a few years back has been arrested for attempted murder, several counts of arson, and child abuse maybe... She's worried that because of the wrongful accusations she made a few years ago, she wont' get a fair trial. Her boyfriend or husband or whatever hit her and she tried to get away, called the cops, and somehow he was  nearly stabbled and someone sets his clothes on fire in the bathtub but she had nothing to do what that and claims innocence in the whole matter. If anything she is the victim here.  Hmm.... 
I think there are some people that need drama in order to feel comfortable in their lives. Chaos causes order to these people. Sure her track record might bias the jury if and when this goes to trial, but doesn't lying and creating a huge National media frenzy bear witness to her character in the first place? Then again, i'm already biased because of her past, so I guess she's right. Just because she lied and let it carry on for over a year (i guess i lost track of the actual timeline) that doesn't mean that she has poor character. No, not at all. 

Its like when a woman goes and smiles at another man, so her husband cheats on her and justifies it. I mean smiling is practically the same thing as cheating, so i guess fair is fair. Or a mans wife just had a baby so isn't really feeling up to sex, so he goes out and finds it from someone else. Trust me, i've heard this one before. Or worse, the man that beats his wife relentlessly and claims that she slapped him first, so really she had it coming.  Or do you remember Susan Smith? The lady that killed her children and accused someone of stealing her car and abducting them? Turns out they were strapped into the backseat and driven into the lake. But she was the victim.  You can write her a letter if you want, but only if you are non-judgmental and sincere. She likes rainbows and Mickey Mouse. I guess i'm being a little harsh, but i think my point conveys.
People are sick and twisted and will tell anyone, anything, to get their sympathy. Even if they have to lie, steal, cheat, or kill: As long as they never go hungry again. Right Scarlet?

What is wrong with these people?? I'm serious. How do these people get away with it (i mean some don't get away with it huh susie?) I just don't get it. Somehow the abuser turns things around and becomes the victim. Its so manipulative. But I don't think that the "victim" realizes how warped they really are.  

I knew a man once that somehow wrapped the world around his finger. It was so messed up. He got  arrested, or he would lose a job or just do some pretty messed up stuff but he was always the victim.  Or would have this come to Jesus moment where he would see the err of his ways and would totally turn his life around. It would last for like two days and then back to old ways. He was always blameless. It was infuriating. For a while he got me on his side through careful manipulation. Its funny, you get mad at someone for wronging you and then suddenly you find yourself apologizing to them instead. Its so messed up. But being on his side was pretty cool because i too became invincible and blameless, until it grew tiresome and I always had to side with him, or exaggerate the truth. I always had to give in. It sucked.  Living a double life wasn't for me. 

And then one morning, i woke up, battered and bruised, and dead on the inside. I lost a sense of self for a little while, but i didn't have to give up. I didn't have to roll over and die right there.  And I didn't.  The really good thing about going through the stuff i've been through, is that it gave me insight to the human mind and how the other side works. The dark side. The people that have no real sense of reality and have the world turned so far upside down that they can't even remember which side is up. But i have no trouble sleeping at night, I don't have to lie to gain favor. I don't have to manipulate to get my way. I don't have to be dishonest or sacrifice my integrity. Because in the end, God wins.

I think i'm done ranting for today. I hope you found this entertaining. Drama seeking people so exhaust me.  You really shouldn't start a battle with a giant unless you have a slingshot. 

28 June 2010

100th POST!!!

Woo Hoo. I've shown a bit of consistency here in writing my blog. There were other blogs over the years that i wrote for myself, but they were... well, lets just say they're gone. There are plenty of things that i would like to say, but I hardly think this is the venue. My closest friends know my thoughts and opinions regarding the things that I don't discuss here. Interesting stuff really.  There are some pretty uptight people out in this world. I mean very uptight. I don't get it. I would consider myself a little stressed at times but i would hardly call myself uptight. Most of the time I'm a jokester. I used to get in trouble in school for making jokes all the time. I'm a really smart a$$ (b/c i had to quit swearing - do dollar signs count??) Most of the time people do laugh at what i have to say. I make my mom and aunt laugh all the time, my aunt always tells me i'm her favorite and that makes me feel good. My dad however is hit or miss. Sometimes he laughs but it depends on his mood. 

Some of you dont' know, i like to paint. I studied art and some design in college. I also make stuff, but those are pics for another time. I got a sewing machine a few years ago, which has been nice. Prior to that, i used my own hands to sew things. I love having a good pair of scissors. I digress. Only twice have I given a painting away. Sometime people want to purchase my stuff, but i'm so emotionally vested that once my sister got one and the there is the only other one that i've ever given away.  

I sketched this in pen in a class - the margins of my notebooks were always filled with doodles and markings. The color came naturally as i put the paintbrush to the canvas...  

I recently came across some photo CD's from 2004 which is probably why all the postings from the past.  

So to remember a painting that I doubt i will ever see again, I wanted to post a picture in its stead.  I hope you enjoy it as much as the memory has brought me joy. I'm glad I took a picture. Sometimes all we have left are memories and photographs. Will that ever be enough?

27 June 2010

Once Upon a Time...

Today I want to tell a story, one i have yet to tell. It begins a long long time ago with my sister. When we were little girls, just about the ages of 3 and 4, we realized we had a special ability. Even before that, i was left to taste the surroundings... I knew something was up. In the second picture you can see my legs are a bit chubby, they are actually drying out from the tail I had just grown, only was too young to realize.

Soon though, We found out that we were MERMAIDS!!  We were amazing swimmers and had such great love for the ocean. We knew one day our tails would grow, so we practiced swimming with our ankles crossed together. As we grew older, our dreams faded, but never escaped... My last few years in Charleston, SC things began to all look so clear to me. I knew what was happening and I did my best to spend each and every day by the sea. I collected beautiful shells and used them to make jewelry. But sadly, I had to leave the coast. Every night, I would stare out the window and mourn my loss. The sea was so far away and the smell of the salt air was no longer in range and my spirit began to grieve. My closest encounter of knowing I was close to my dream was with my dolphin friend who decided to swim up to the deserted shore one day just to say hello. Kindred spirits as we were, he came my way and we locked gazes for a while, each curiously staring back at the other, and then he said goodbye. I tried to visit as much as i could, but the business of life took over and sadly, i was no longer able to return like i once did.
My tan would soon fade, but the memory and the dream continued to grow silently within....

Two years later, far away from the sea, I still had  my long beach blonde mermaid hair as I got my Masters Degree... It was awesome, so i kept growing it longer... Trips back to the coast grew more and more frequent.

And longer and longer and longer.
So long as it grew, i myself became a mermaid... I did not own my own body, nor did control the way it behaved once i came in contact with water. I was a fish, but I was also a woman. I was bound to the sea, and mourned the loss of the distance between my home and the nearest ocean. 80 miles was 75 more than I had been dealing with prior to my conversion. I was in the ocean practically every day that I could be and made countless vacations to Charleston, as well as my sisters home in Florida, but everytime i left, my heart grew heavy and I knew like anyone with a strength, there was only one thing I should do.....  

After long contemplation and much deliberation, in order to share with the world my secret and my passion, at least for a short while.... I grabbed my scissors, formed a braid with all that i could grab, and i cut. The scissors were quite dull, so it was more like a sawing motion of open and shut, but little by little, the hair let go and was free.

And I did it all by myself....

But the story doesn't end here. Afterwards the hair was shipped off to a place  where little bald girls dream of one day having blonde locks like mine in hopes that they too could become a mermaid, but then I grew weak. Unable to make rational decisions, I did the best I could, but like Samson, my strength was in my long flowing locks and there was nothing left to do except wait...  Six years later, the mane that once was, has now begun yet again. Not quite as it was once,  but soon it shall be.  With careful trips to the ocean to ensure the salt sea enriches and nourishes my skin and hair in order to properly relinquish myself to my former state. One day soon  the mermaid tail shall return again. You can take the mermaid out of the ocean but you can never take the ocean away from the mermaid. The sea is more than just a place to go, it is a state of mind, a oneness with nature, a state of inner being, a peace of mind, It is where i find my heaven. And that, is something I shall never lose.

26 June 2010

Surfing, Shopping, and Boat Day

Thursday I went surfing in San Diego. It was a nice end to my rather long and enjoyable week. I love my life. I am so blessed to have so many good things in it. Friends and family to share it with only make it better.

My cousin  Paul picked me up from my hotel. He is going to school at UCSD I believe. Something like that.  His roommate, the German I shall now refer to as Roland works at a lab on the ocean. He is studying oceanography. My cousin just got his masters degree in Chemistry and is going for his PhD. So we went to where Rowland works, grabbed some wetsuits and boards, and attempted to surf. I would say I surfed, but mostly we floated. It has been about 18 months since I have gone surfing. The water was nice, the weather was beautiful, but the waves were just a bit flat today. That’s ok. There were a few, and I tried. Got up once… mostly.  Over all I was quite unfit for surfing. It was a great time though.

There was a Harbor Seal, I call it a Sea Cow, on the beach. He was just lying there. All sad looking, wasn’t really moving much. Was just lying there looking quite pathetic. He reminded me of my Marley when she is all tired from a long walk and just wants to lie there and do nothing. Sort of like that. Sun bathing, but clearly something was wrong.  Later on the Sea World truck came by and loaded it up. I asked if he were sick (as I suspected) and they said yes, very. Poor Seal. They will take him to their vet and then release him after he gets well. He was NOT happy about the cage he was put into. I wanted to pet him and comfort him, but I hear they can bite. I didn’t want to get bitten. I miss my Marley anyways, so I’m sure it made me more sympathetic. 

After the beach, we went on a walk to lunch where i treated the guys. I remember grad school. I was so blessed to have people to take me to dinner so it was nice to pay it forward.  After lunch we went to my hotel so i could check out. My cousin roamed around. There was this little village near my hotel so Paul and I walked around and I did a little shopping. I like to get a Christmas ornament everywhere I travel. I also got rick a gift, but it is mostly an inside joke, so I won't elaborate. It was cheap and a gift that will keep on giving. At least for a little while. He will be home soon enough and then next weekend we are off on vacation again. Our entire life is one big journey. I am sure it will settle down soon enough, but as for when, that remains to be seen.

My flight home was ok. I took the red eye and we were running a bit late, but being in first class helped. I actually slept almost the entire flight which is great because i hardly ever can sleep on planes, so it was a good thing. The day of surfing helped a lot. I was completely exhausted from the day, paddling on a board against the current is not an easy task and i am quite out of practice. It really takes a lot of practice to surf and not something you can pick back up overnight.  we walked about a mile to lunch and a mile back, all on the crowded beach. Then we did tons of walking around when i decided to shop. I'm like an alcoholic when it comes to shopping. Once i start I don't want to stop, so its best i dont' start. Typically i don't shop. I dont' like shopping, but i add an asterisk to that because i really do like shopping. I tend to look for bargains and sales racks. Most everything i purchased was under $5, so i didn't do too badly.

Yesterday I arrived at the airport, drove home, took a nap, went to work around noon, worked most of the day, then came home and slept. 

Today I took the dogs to the lake where a bunch of my friends were hanging out on their boats, a yearly event they call Boat Day. The dogs love swimming in the lake and it was nice that there weren't any ducks to worry about. My friends and i were having a nice time. We listened to the USA game on the radio. I wanted to watch it but the dogs really needed the exercise after me being gone a week and swimming for 3 hours seemed like the best idea. I got to drive around on a jet ski for a bit and that was rad.

I love being out on the water. In my next life, i choose to be a Mermaid. Its what i always wanted. I actually grew my hair out super long and made a skirt with a mermaid tail out of some pretty great fabric. I love to sew and make things like that. I think when i have little girls i'll try to make cute little outfits for them, not out of necessity but out of desire to have unique things. maybe if i get a chance for halloween i'll wear it and take a pic

The girls are very tired. They love riding around in our car. The Scion XBeem-obile

25 June 2010

Cold in June?

Yup. San Diego is cold in places. Like where the wind blows. The shade. They call it June Gloom, and the last few days of my trip I could tell it was ending. But hot there is not like hot at home. Home is hot and humid. SD was windy and cool. I first visited my friend Anna who just got engaged. We had a really fun time. We rented a boat on Mission Bay and caught the eyes of lots of men, as two blondes alone in a boat would.

It was very nice catching up with her and i'm very glad that we spent time together. Its amazing how alike we are. Like we're cut from the same mold more or less. My favorite thing to do is make my friends laugh. I love it. Mostly i speak my mind. Ok, i would say more than mostly. We saw some kid chasing around a sea gull by the bay and i said out loud : Think this through kid... What exactly will you do when you catch it. Seriously. What would he have done if he had caught it? It was a super big bird and i just can't imagine. Sure its fun to chase and tease them, but come ON. You would freak out if you had it in your hands. Trust me. Later, a bunch of Asians all grouped together for a photo. I took one with my camera too. I felt like reversing the stereotype.

They seemed to think it was funny too. 
Then the conference began. I stayed downtown and it was good fun. The view from my hotel was amazing and a coworker who spent some time in the Navy gave me a tour of Coronado Island. Talk about a great place to live. I found about 100 dream homes. Pretty much either one could be my home. The tour was great. The hotel was pretty amazing. That was a great time too.  I could see the Coronado bridge from my room. The view wasn't bad at all.

Tomorrow i plan to post about the last day in town which was quite nice.

20 June 2010

Did you call your father today??

Happy Fathers Day dad. All of the dads. Especially to my father, David. My father in law, Don. And my wonderful husband Rick....
My dad taught me so much over the years. Integrity, honesty, character, work ethic, silliness, fun, shooting guns, changing flat tires, and other useful stuff. Thanks Dad. I love you  tons!

Did you call your father today?

18 June 2010


ok, interesting facts.
I was born and raised on the East Coast. The only time I have seen the Pacific Ocean was in Costa Rica where i spent 14 days last year. I have been married twice in my life. Both times to men born and raised in California. More times than not, people ask me if I'm originally from Cali, probably because of my blond hair, tan skin, and laid back style. Most of the time people are surprised that I was born and raised in South Carolina. I have lived in three states, SC, FL and NC.

I have always wanted to go to California. I even got accepted to UCLA for graduate school. It was the goal. A goal that might still happen. But mostly I wanted to move to a place like La Jolla. Not that I have any idea because as i said before, I've never been, but i hear its nice.

I'm flying to San Diego to go to a conference Sunday to Wednesday, but i am leaving tomorrow. My friend Anna (who just got engaged!! YAY!!!) is picking me up. She lives in La Jolla. I haven't seen Anna in almost 10 years so i'm pretty excited to go visit. I don't know what we are going to do, sort of play it by ear, but i'm super excited to see her and meet her fiancĂ© Andy.

Finishing laundry, packing and waking up in 5 hours. happy day for me.

At least i'll be flying comfortably in first class and staying in a very nice hotel. Feel free to send flowers and gifts, i'll be checking in on Sunday.  http://manchestergrand.hyatt.com/hyatt/hotels/index.jsp 

Can't wait to upload new pics from my trip!!

16 June 2010

Smiling at the Blind

I made ribs last night!! Thanks for the vote of confidence Cathy. You're right, it wasn't that hard to do and I ate 3/4 of a rack of ribs. yeah yeah i'm a big pig. they were pretty good!
Then i went to get some ice cream. But dang it! I ate it all the other day and forgot! I hate it when that happens.

Its not as bad as the fact that my razor died about a week ago and i keep forgetting to replace that. I found a blade but had no handle for it, so have made do, but talk about fun! i kept forgetting to get one. I forget to shop for necessary items a lot. I'm sure i'll make an excellent mother.

I really am horrible at taking care of myself in that way. I have fine blonde hair anyways so its hard to remember my legs get hairy. I guess with Rick around I really will have to do a better job but maybe he wont mind. he he he.

Last week, Rick ordered me a pair of shoes via Zappos to replace my old Vans. the box had the right size but the shoes inside were way too small. Size 6.5 to be exact. I didn't check so i tried to put them on. they were so small and i didn't fit but sort of crammed my foot in there.. I was wondering if i had changed or the sizing changed from my last mangled pair. But no, they were in the wrong box. I felt like a giant. I have pretty big feet anyways, at least for my height. I'm the shortest family member but my feet are larger than my mother and sisters. Probably why im good at sports. Great balance. My friend Chadwick says I have exceptionally great looking feet. Especially for a soccer player, but personally I think he has a foot fetish. dont' worry, he's taken. Just a nice guy.

oh well. that's all i have to say. Oh except

I smiled at a blind man today. And then he smiled back at me. I guess my smile radiates rainbows and sunshine and happiness and all that grand stuff. He must have known. It was fun. I actually caught myself mid smile thinking, am i really smiling at this blind man playing piano? Then again, I basically smile at everyone all the time. I had an executive at my company ask me if i was ever not smiling. I think that is a compliment. I took it that way. What do i have to be unhappy about? And if you didn't know "I just like to smile. Smiling's my favorite"

14 June 2010

Marbles Playtime

My friend Vanessa was in a bind this weekend. Her husband was in Europe on Business and she was invited to a German World Cup party. (She is from Germany). Her dilemma was that her four year old Sarah was invited to a birthday party and she already told Sarah about it so she was excited, so you can’t untell a child stuff like that.

Vanessa was telling me this on Friday over dinner with her and the kids (Tyler is only one), and I offered to take Sarah to the party. Apparently when you have a child that age you can’t just drop them off, you have to stay with them. The party was at the Marbles Museum in Downtown Raleigh.  I’d never been to the museum part, so it was a treat for me too. (sort of).. I unfortunately mistook this museum for the one with the dinosaur that overlooks downtown Raleigh , 
so my excitement was short lived. BUT, sarah and I had a great time playing in the children’s museum. (which btw is not a real museum but a hands on indoor playground for kids) I’ve been to the IMAX but not the museum. I’m over it and now I don’t have to go ever again. :
It was pretty neat, but since my job was to not lose the kid – I had to pay extra attention and basically followed her around everywhere, which resulted in me playing with her. We made and baked pizzas, collected money, delivered pizza, walked dogs, put cats in a doghouse, hunted for the lost rabbit, went down a slide, made lemonade, painted, made magic wands, raced cars we got to make ourselves, stood on surfboards, hula hooped, drove stationary cars and boats, played Snow White on the stage with the other little girls, and then finally, found our way to the Pirate Ship where we went up and down and up and down and up and down the ladder. Her friend Flora appointed me captain, so I was in charge. They did what I said, which was like swabbing the deck, hoisting the anchor, raising the flag, navigating the map, steering the boat away from the purple monster, etc, etc. It was cute and they were a lot of fun.  For a couple of hours I got to play mommy, and then when it was all done, Sarah and I went to (GASP) McDonalds. What else do you feed a 4 year old in quick time? Now I get it rick – and no that doesn’t mean you can take our kids to McD’s on the regular… BUT had I had child friendly food at my house, I’d have brought her there. She is the second person to comment about how cool my car is to ride in. I must admit, the Scion is much cooler inside than out. I still think it looks like a London Taxi Cab. Maybe if I take it overseas, I’ll have people try to get in my car, sort of like Nicks yugo, named Jessie often mistaken for a taxi... not sure how.

The birthday party was in the theme of another Jessie, you know Woody's girl in Toy Story.
 The party favor was a Recyclable shopping bag with the green alien on the front. You know, the cute little green guy that when you squeeze him his three eyes pop out.
He always reminds me of the fish (Blinky) from the Simpsons. You know, the one mutated in the river that Bart caught, and then they served to Mr. Burns when he came over to promote himself being a family man to win the election. It backfired terribly when he spit the fish out of his mouth.  Gotta love the Simpsons.

I’m full of so much useful information today. How about the goalie from England, I hear the USA awarded him player of the match after his awesome near save against Clint Depmseys not even rocket shot right at him. Haha. If you don’t know what I’m talking about watch it here:

12 June 2010


The world cup is here! Happy Friday!!! And nothing like day one opener to show the americans exactly why its not a popular sport here in the US. The first game, South Africa (aka home team) vs. Mexico went 1-1. The second match France vs.Uruguay went 0-0. Two goals in 180 minutes of football, ahem. soccer as you may.

Americans like goals and scoring so they get bored. You need to focus on other stuff America. If you need to drink over sports to get into it, let me make a suggestion:  Drink every time your team loses possession. Dont' have a team? Drink every time it changes possession. Dont know what possession is? Just keep drinking my sad friend. Or email me and i'll explain.  A friend of mine wanted to drink everytime they showed this really cute man on the Uruguay team. He was a star player, i think finally she gave up to avoid getting drunk. You don't have to drink at all though, the tempo and pace of this game are usually fast, and you can watch just as well while sipping a nice lemonade. 

What a way to start the weekend. There's nothing like the world cup. I mean nothing. The most popular sport in the entire world. Thats it. THE ENTIRE WORLD. Best of the best all playing for one country to have bragging rights for the next four years.

Four years ago, Zidane from France was going to retire anyways, it was a close match that went to PKs as it goes (penalty kicks) but before it went to that, Materazzi from Italy was talking trash to Zidane about his mom or sister. who really knows. Well Zidane is like this amazing footballer, and talented and just one of the best players in the world and you just shouldn't do that and expect a tired and frustrated Zidane to do nothing. Materazzi is like not the most favorite player anyways. . Watch here : This is how the 2006 World Cup wrapped up, more or less, i mean some penalty kicks followed but nobody was paying attention. We were all scratching our heads saying... HUH? what just happened?? I was at Disney World at the time.

So far Saturday is a better result. We've got South Korea defeating Greece 2 - nil, and  Argentina defeating Nigeria 1 - nil. This should be an interesting tournament. The world is changing and it really could be anyones game.  USA vs England today at 230! I've been waiting for this match the day they drew the rounds many moons ago.. And although i will cheer for the US, i secretly love the English team, so i'll be happy either way.

The only teams to have win the world cup out of 18 past tournaments beginning in 1930 are (by number of wins)  Brazil 5, Italy 4, W. Germany 3, Uruguay 2, Argentina 2, England 1, France 1
The USA placed third in the first ever World Cup, but has yet to place since then.
As americans we set our ambitions low and just hope to make it out of the first round. Sadly, we are happy with that type of result. After all, football is not our sport, and our youth, despite our growing efforts to grow and change, are happy playing the other three sports that define america: Pigskin (aka American football), baseball, and basketball, and i'm mostly ok with that.. At least as far as the men are concerned. American women still are known to dominate the world of soccer, and we'll get our chance next year in Germany...

Happy weekend

09 June 2010

Sick Days

I have been stuck in bed the past two days. I got up once yesterday to make a quick lunch and then later to the drug store to get some meds. Today i was able to actually sit up and make some food. Aside from that, i've been laying down all day. I have a migraine i think, but i did have a slight fever yesterday and today. My entire frontal lobe felt like it was going to explode, it was the worst headache i've ever had. Light made it worse and it was impossible for me to sit up or stand. The throbbing in my head was horrible. So i slept all day

I am pretty sure i will be able to go back to work tomorrow. I'll be behind and will have a lot to catch up on but such is life.

today i made capellini with diced tomatoes and marinara sauce with basil oregano and garlic. It was really good. I mean basically I made spaghetti but with thinner pasta Because I like the texture of the super thin pasta much better than spaghetti. And it made me really happy. And i added cheese. Life is much better with cheese. 

The best part of being sick was that i got to see Ricks face today and yesterday. The light from the computer screen really made my head pound, so i couldn't turn on any lights in my house and I had all of the lights in my entire house off for two days. But i got to see and speak to him. I really love him a ton. I miss the simple things though. Like holding his hand, hugging him tightly. Having him around makes things great. Someone to talk to, lean on, cook for, and mostly someone to laugh with. Its the little things i'm missing right now. I can think of a few bigger things i miss too. Well, it is now time for me to go to bed. I have a doctors appointment first thing in the morning, and then a full day of work. Yay.

I really miss Rick a ton. I'm really counting down the days until he gets here. I think its like 23 more. so what? 3 weeks and some change. YAY!!! It really is hard being married and so far apart, but from here out, we plan to be together forever. Wherever that may be. Wherever he wants to go, i will follow. After all, He IS the man! And I have absolutely no problem letting him be just that. 

05 June 2010

there's nothing like Journey

No literally. I love Journey. There's nothing like kicking back, listening to Journeys greatest hits.You can listen to every single song on the album without needing to skip over one.

Its quite an emotional journey to take.  wait. No pun intended.

I plan on having a great summer. I miss the days of being a full time student. Especially a college student. Freedom is yours. You have no responsibility, but you're still an adult. Its a great combination. I sure do miss it. You don't appreciate it until you're all grown up.

A man at work the other day asked me about my PhD and my 25 years of life. I remarked that i'd be 30 in a few short months. If he wasn't happily married i'd have said he was hitting on me, but its true, I don't think I look 30 yet. I still get carded at casinos and bars which means they're not quite sure how old i am either, but i'm definitely looking older than 21. But 30? I think i'm supposed to start dressing a certain way now. I'm not sure what people "my age" wear. I knew a woman in her late 40s that tried to dress like she was 16, but not just 16, but a slutty 16. I was embarrassed for her at times. Who wants to see an older woman's cleavage (and i'm talking major cleavage)? Unless its Demi Moore, please cover up and dress your age..
But what is my age? I can still fit into clothes from the Junior department and often shop there. I mean you can never go wrong with acid wash jeans and a tshirt... oh wait, wrong generation. (ricky that was a stab at you and your people born in the 60s) But really, when does a person have to start dressing their age? And what does dressing my age look like? I was born in the 80s (but one of the last products created in the 70s), but still, my "generation" of 80s born children, i run the gambit all the way to kids born in 89 about to buy their first legal drink... so you see, its confusing. Do i fit in with them? Hardly. I'm a bit more, advanced, than most 20 year olds. So its quite a dilemma. Any suggestions are great. I shop at Victorias Secret Catalogue, Roxy.com, and Ann Taylor Loft, oh and the juniors departments of target, Dillards, Macys,... you get the idea. When you blend the styles together, you end up with ... well, me. I love clothes from VS< especially dresses. My shoes mostly come from Zappos.com because i'm a vip.zappos.com customer. My dogs ate my checkered Vans which were my favorite shoes. I used to skateboard, so i'm allowed to wear them. I would prefer to surf and you better believe i'll be in the cold Pacific in a few weeks attempting to surf. totally stoked. I hear the Pac is cold in Cali, personally, my experience with it is limited to Costa Rica in February, and it was absolutely brilliant.

So i'll be 30 soon. Its a bit hard to say out loud, let alone put into writing, but there you have it. My life goal was to be done with my Phd by my 30th birthday. There is nothing like waiting for the last minute, but here we are. Less than 3 months away. I guess i better stop writing so much here and put a little more in writing on something else. :)

04 June 2010

Thats what's up....

get excited... changes i alluded to before are drawing near...
this is me throwing a rock at you...

02 June 2010

Its cooking time!!!

Ricky Beeman, this blogs for you:

I have decided, now that i'm married, its time to start cooking again. I love to cook and there's nothing more satisfying than cooking a good meal and enjoying it. I have a vast array of things that I can cook. I have only made 2 meals for my husband. A lasagna with tons of vegetables in it that he and everyone else LOVED and a breakfast sandwich with bacon, egg and cheese. You really can't go wrong with that recipe, and I believe he asked me why I didn't serve him more, so I will take that as he liked it.

The issue I usually have with cooking is touching raw meat, and deciding what to cook. I wash my hands a bajillion times when i cook. Raw meat is pretty gross. And I have some sort of phobia about buying food at the grocery store. I think it stems from my grad school days when every penny had to be stretched so far. I had to really plan my money wisely or i'd end up running out each month, so I would really stress out about $100+ grocery bills. I go through periods where there is absolutely nothing in my fridge but condiments, eggs, butter, and baking soda. And in the freezer, I think some frozen meat, ice packs, lots of frozen glasses and mugs, and some vegetables that probably should've been eaten last year. 

(see this guy all lost without me? He can't possibly think eating unhealthy is a worse option than living alone can he)

When I do finally go to the grocery store, I have to make sure i'm really hungry or else I'll end up with nothing. Usually I go to the store with a loose dinner plan, i.e. grab something for dinner, and wind up with a week or two worth of food. I guess its ok for me to spend around $300 a month on food if not more, but i'm so anal about where that money goes and food to me seems like a waste. (i totally know its not). Sometimes i go in and try to buy the "cheapest" stuff, or find the best deal or whatever. Other times I go in and just buy food as plain and simple as that. My mother never really fussed over what food we got, because we ate it. It only goes to waste if it goes to waste. A bag of spinach lasts approximately 1.5 meals in my house so i have to buy several bags if i want to eat what i like. A bag of baby carrots lasts an infinite span of time I have realized. The one i bought in April (maybe) is still unopened. I better rememdy that. A bag of granny smith apples will last me the exact number of apples in days. I hate letting food go to waste, but i also hate eating things i'm either not in the mood for or not really digging at the moment such as the carrots that i'll probably force myself to eat now that i've put it out there. In my fridge now i have Cod, Sweet Potatoes, Broccoli slaw, Carrots (read above), Squash, Corn on the Cob, eggs, Strawberries, Schnozzberries, black bean dip, one gallon of spoiled milk and one half gallon of good almost bad milk and grapefruit juice, a loaf of whole grain bread that i bought to be healthy but its soooo grainy i'm not sure i will be able to indulge, plus the staples that never leave. My freezer is quite full too. Mostly indian and asian food and then fruit and veggies plus some meat.  I got tired of eating my Tika Masala night after night, so i decided i'd start cooking dinner again.  Plus Rick needs to learn how to eat vegetables.  Im mostly writing this for him so he can brace himself. I know he'll eat corn, but broccoli slaw or squash, not so much. so the trick is to learn how to prepare them so that he will eat them. I dont' think i'll ever get him to eat the slaw, but i think with enough cheese or meat, any vegetable is possible. I'm ok with him not liking mushrooms b/c i LOVE them and hate to have to share them at all. I grilled my first steak ever (by myself) on Friday. The girls really enjoyed the fatty pieces that i didn't want to eat. I also have a ton of metal skewers (they dont' burn like the wooden ones) and i just throw veggies on the grill alongside the meat. I also grilled corn which is super easy to do. I also like raw corn. If you ever lived on a farm or with a garden, you've tried it. Its really good raw.

Tonight for dinner i made sweet potato fries (baked with lots of spices aka SALT for RICKY), cod with butter, pepper and garlic (and other seasoning i'm not going to mention), and a salad. I'm out of spinach, so i had to make broccoli slaw salad. I added dried pomegranate and cranberries and balsamic vinegar. its not the best, but this is all part of the practice. Its good for me to get that part out of the way so that he doesn't get turned off by my meals. Rick is going to be at my house soon and I want to make him the best food ever. Going out to eat isn't really an option for us right now for several reasons, namely i don't like it. And to be honest, i'm not going to buy into the whole, but i haven't had that in forever bc i live in Bahrain. Well you made your bed, lie in it buddy, you're eating what I'm fixing. The domesticated part of marriage is about to begin. Remember the for better or for worse vows ??? insert evil laugh here. One more month to go. I can't wait!

p.s. On a grosser note: the dogs rolled around in something that smells like poop but definitely isn't dog poop... come home soon. we need help!

01 June 2010

Whats in a name?

I go by many different names. I’m Mrs. Beeman. I’m Gigi, Jennifer, Jenni, Jenn, Sloan, Sloaner, Miss Sloan, ferley (jennifer leigh makes for ferley) and kissyfer - (thanks mom i wonder if that's why everyone i know has a special nickname from me).... I don’t mind my names. I love being gigi. I'll always be Sloan to many. The others i'll got used to. My family calls me Jennifer or Gigi. That's it. Hardly ever jenn, never jenni. My husband calls me Jenni or jennifer or sweetheart. I don't like being sweetheart. Though I do like eating a sweet-tart. I like being called Jenni, but its something that if you don't know me, you can call me Jennifer until i decide what to allow you to call me or unless I introduce myself to you as jenni, I am Jennifer to you. So get used to it. Gigi started like this. I was a kid, i could say some sentences ( i started with sentences not words, my first sentence was: I want some - go ask my mom), and people would ask me my name. When you're a toddler, Jennifer is a mouthful. And somehow it came out Gigi. Everyone called me gigi. My parents, my cousins, etc... I remember the day, I was probably 5 but could've been younger,  one of my cousins called me Gigi. I looked at him matter of factly and said MY NAME IS JENNIFER. And so the name gigi died, or did it? When i started babysitting the Dugas' family, and Hanna was a toddler, she couldn't say Jennifer, and what came out of her mouth? Gigi of course. She's 14 and they still all call me that. I love it! LOVE IT! My nephews call me gigi. i'll always be gigi to my family. I think its more permanent now. Carter knows my name is jennifer, he's 3, he can totally say it now, but to him, I'm gigi. I think i always will be. Its the same thing as him knowing his moms name is LORI. He knows that but he's still going to call her MOM. and yes, he says mom and not mommy. He's quite grown up like that.

I had a great weekend. I didn’t do too much except travel and spend time with “family”. By family I mean the sweet family I babysat for the past 15 years. Not to say I’m still the baby sitter, I doubt they need one any longer. But because I spent so much time with them, they became like family to me. I loved spending time with them. So much. They are now 18 (almost), 16, 14 and 1l. Their mother and I are quite close, and now the the kids are older, they relate to me in the way that I related to her when I was their age. I was surprised at how much they opened up to me about life, but when I think about it, I was like a second mother to them at times, but mostly I would say a really cool Aunt. You can’t tell mom everything, but the aunt, you can tell a lot to. I've been in their life a long time so i'm comfortable to them. When I was in my late teens or early 20s, all four of them went to bed together and slept in the Eldest’s bed, and I remember tucking them in and them asking me, Gigi, when are you going to have kids. I told them, I guess after I get married, and they replied, “We’ll be your kids till then.” It really touched my heart and still does. Beck, the 16 year old still remembers that. All four of them will never forget the time I burnt popcorn in their house. It stunk for the longest time. The 11 year old loves riding in the Scion better than her mother’s X5.  (I’ll gladly trade any time). They still call me Gigi and I’m totally fine with that because that’s how my family knows me.

Sunday night felt quite familiar. All four kids were home alone with me. We sat around the kitchen and talked and laughed. The only difference is that they don’t need me anymore. Kaki, the 11 year old let me know that I’d be a great mother. I’ve had tons of practice and I’m probably the coolest person on the planet. Just kidding (sort of)  Hanna tried to come home with me, but she’d have been bored while I was at work all day. She’s 14 and there aren’t too many her age in my neighborhood (that I know of). Plus she’s gotta kick butt on swimteam this summer. They would love for me to live in town and drive them around all the time. We totally could’ve done so much more but we really enjoyed just sitting around doing not much of anything which was super great. We watched this really cute movie together called Valentine’s Day. The movie actually quoted me twice which was sort of funny. I’m serious, I’d never seen the movie and there were two parts where they said things that I had said the previous day. Eerie I know, but I am quite the trendsetter. Don’t worry, I’ll get paid for it eventually, and then famously tracked down for more funny lines. Its nice that I will always find a home with them and can visit any time. Its also nice that they love Ellie and Marley and will be willing to house them while I transition to the Middle East and get settled with my wonderful man.

I just returned home from the vet. Marley has two tumor like growths on her leg and we have to remove them. They both have lost weight thanks to my many walks. We're now at 48 and 39 pounds. I spoke to the vet about the transition to the middle east. I am going first to prepare a home and they will follow shortly after. The vet stated that to separate the girls would be traumatic and since they've been together so long they'll probably die within a few months of each other, the second one of a broken heart (wow that's tough). She also said that the flight isn't that bad and they are so attached to me that it it will be the best option for everyone! YAY! I'm so glad i finally did that. i was so worried about it all, but they really are my babies and i can't imagine not ever seeing them again. Marley got her rabies shot and they both got their other shots and checkups. Dollar signs should be rolling by now as i say this. Poor mom, doggies are expensive. At least if it was my baby, my health insurance would cover all of it. 100%. But not them. Its ok. They are totally worth it...

After two days with family number one, I went to visit my other family in town. Richard and Jodi. Dick is my brother from another mother as we like to say. He’s a little brother to me despite the fact he's three years older.  He’ll always be my little brother. His family is a family to me, I’m the long lost child they never had. He and his wife have 2 kids, age 11 and 6. Kayla, the 11 year old was outside with about 5 guys hanging around (she’s quite pretty and I think they all know it). I went out to talk to them for a bit, I’m aunt Sloan to the kids, since the family all call me Sloan. Kayla ran in later and said, Aunt Sloan,  all the boys were saying they wish they had an aunt like you because you’re so cool and funny and energetic. Score one for Sloan and one for the little people!

I mean I’m not hearing anything I didn’t already know. I know that I’m super fun and energetic. I’m not even 30, so I had better be. But seriously, I think if I were an unlikable person, I wouldn’t have so many friendships that have lasted for the past 20 or more years of my life. I have friends from as early as birth that I still keep in touch with. Rarely do I lose a friend. I’m pretty loyal like that. Once we’re friends we are friends for life.  There are exceptions, such as ex boyfriends, I see little reason to keep in touch with some of them. There are the girls that back stab but I have mostly picked good quality friends.  I decided, starting in high school to only be friends with the people that wanted to be my friend, meaning I wasn’t going to kiss your butt in order to get you to like me. You either do or you don’t. I’m pretty true to that even now.  I don’t need to buy your friendship, or win it. If I lose it, it was never really mine to have. I had one friend in grad school that quit hanging out with me purely based upon the merit that I received more attention than her when we went out together. Mutual friends told me this since she suddenly stopped speaking to me.. I'm not sure how that was my fault, but it hurt my feelings for about a minute then i moved on, clearly we weren't "real" friends. Who knew jealousy would cause someone to dislike you so much?? I am sure i'll face this one again before life is over if i'm not already. But to all the haters out there. To all the jealous people i'll have to say, I didn't choose to be this way, i just am, so go suck a duck and get over yourself. Envy of others only makes YOU look bad in the end. There are many fake people in this world so you have to be careful, but I think maintaining lifelong friendships is a great indicator of your character. And kids everywhere really like me. (To steal the words of Lloyd Christmas) They like me a lot. And I like them too. 

I’m only saying all of this because I was reminded of it this weekend. Not that I have ever forgotten, but when a bunch of 12 year old boys decided I was really cool. Or when my 11 and 14 yr old friends laugh at all my silliness. Or when Beck, my 16 yr old baby boy opens up to me about high school and the summation of his sophomore year and tells me things I doubt he tells mom. (don't worry mom, he's a good kid).. It felt nice. Because they love me, they trust me, and they follow my example. I guess I better keep my act clean and make sure mine is an example worth following. Do as I say, not as I did.  Ive made enough mistakes for everyone.