19 April 2010

Playing Cannibal

Sunday was another great day with the kids. We woke up and my sister made whole wheat pancakes. They were decent, but not as good as the fatty kind. We then went to church. Lori and I dropped the boys off in the nursery. Carter wanted to spend every second with me, i had to ride in the car next to him, i had to hold his hand, i had to carry him. When we dropped them off at the nursery, they assumed Carter was mine and Brady was Lori's. I like that. Because Lori and I look like twins and the boys look like twins (practically), so it makes sense for them to look like mine. Blonde hair and blue eyes runs rampant among us. apparently. I guess time will tell.
They give you a beeper for the kids in case they melt down and cannot be comforted. Loris beeper went off, but as she left the sanctuary, i heard about 5 others going off and it dawned on me, there was either a mutiny, led by my cunning nephews, or there was a malfunction. Ten minutes later, she returned without the kids. Beeper malfunction. It was funny. 

Yesterday , we did a lot of running around outside with the dogs. That was a lot of fun too. My dogs lick brady's face and he just laughs and laughs Carter really wants to play with them but he is a little more timid than his younger brother. Brady is talking coherently now. Once he figured out how to say my name: gigi - he didn't stop. Everything was, Brady say Carter, "gigi" (big smile), Brady say rock, "rock" Brady say grandpa, "gigi" (smile again). I think he knew what he was doing, but he was being funny. He found it incredibly funny to say my name over and over again. He ran around the house saying gigi, gigi, gigi. I could tell Lori had coaxed him into saying my name before i got there. its greatly appreciated. I wonder what my kids will call her? Probably Wo-wi. That's what my brother used to say.

After dinner, carter and I were playing in the living room before bed. Rather than playing with the stuffed Camel, he said, "gigi, you be the cannibal". What? "You know, you be the cannibal, and I will ride on you." tee hee. Ok. Lori came down and i said, carter, tell mommy what we're playing, MOMMY, we're playing CANNIBAL! It was so cute. Kids are super great for entertainment.  Finally Carter had to go to bed and I got in the car to head home. The dogs were so tired they slept the entire way home. I listened to my favorite play list and had an awesome time.

Lately I have been reading about dying to self. What does it mean to die to yourself. I hear it all the time, but aside from giving up the worldly things and money, what else does it really mean? And then, as i drove, and reminisced about the past year (music really does bring back memories), it occurred to me. Every time that I turn away from my old life, every time that i deny my flesh, every time that I deny myself from those sinful pleasure, I am dying to myself. Because those things are so natural for me to do. The things that come as second nature. The things that never occur to you as being immoral or inappropriate or wrong, but suddenly, as though you were painfully awakened into a new light, you see just how unacceptable things of your past may be, and you turn from them, you die to yourself.... That's how i felt anyways. As I drove i recalled things and places and people and faces, and I felt as though a part of me that once was, was no more. But this time, rather than mourning the loss of a life that no longer can be, I found great comfort and joy. And i was glad. I have a new found sense of freedom. I have new joy. And i have no idea where this road shall go, only that its the path i ought to take.

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