03 April 2010

A Fairy Tale beginning...

As rick commented in his blog yesterday, I sent him a 61 page text file from our first conversation via Instant Messaging. We had not seen each other and up to that point, had only exchanged emails. This was our first real interaction between one another. We pretty much discussed everything under the sun, and by the time I got ready to head out of my house for trivia, I had composed a pretty gutsy email to rick. This is by far a subset of the email i sent to him. Because its not as interesting as the parts I pulled out. just some minor details being left out for safety purposes :) I really can't stop looking at these early correspondences. Because how could this have been only three months ago when Rick and I have known each other for a lifetime? Rick and i are so funny and we laugh at ourselves for reminiscing about those first few weeks. WE laugh because we both logically see how ridiculous our relationship is. How ridiculous it is that we look back into our "past" as though it occurred years ago. A lifetime ago even, but really, it nearly does feel that way. As though we have been together forever. As though we were never apart. AS though there was never a life lived without him.

This is a pretty interesting read.

************************************************************
Rick,

By the time you get this it will be morning and i'm almost certain that you will be so tired.
I am so sorry that your day will be long, but perhaps I can offer some words of encouragement to fuel your tank. (and tons of diet coke you addicted fiend)

Were you able to fall asleep alright? I know for me i am wired right now and if i had to even think about sleeping i'd go insane.
I called my sister after work and told her about our 5 hour conversation. She is my best friend, but i was a little afraid to tell her about you. Especially so soon but her husband is on the road and she is all alone with two sick kids. Kids that I must confess, caught my illness.

She already knew about eharmony, but also that I had not met anyone yet that could hold a flame, especially not now. Everything she suggested to me about how I should approach this unique situation - you and I have already discussed.  She was encouraged that we have been so open and honest with one another about, well, everything. She is also encouraged that you live so far away because she knows that we won't rush into the physical aspect before we get to know each other. i'm actually encouraged about that too because she is right, but then again, i found myself checking into flights and ready to check my bags.

It IS warm there right?

I am headed out to trivia in another hour, and won't be home until 8am (your time).
When i return, you undoubtedly will be awake.
I feel like you are putting me on
i have a really good feeling of optimism that I have not felt in quite some time.

Prior to mousing over to the "close match" button, something tugged at my heart and said you have to meet this man.  I am so incredibly attracted to you Rick, and its not JUST your looks, but your brain, your heart, your inner being.

I studied your lips and wondered what they would feel like.
I looked at your arms and wondered how tight would you hold me against your body.
I gazed into your eyes, and time disappeared.
you're putting me on aren't you? jokes?
I'm being a sap. I know. But here it is. I have nothing to lose here. I've emotionally vested about 48 hours on you.  If for some crazy reason, this really is what it just might be......

I haven't been able to sleep since you sent your first real email sunday night, i might never sleep again.
...
...
...
i really do hope i can talk to you soon.
I hope that we can chat via webcam so you can see my ugly face, swollen lip and all.
....
....
ok. i am hoping beyond all hope that i see a message in a few hours, just to know that i'm not being tricked here.
i have no idea what i'm doing right now, someone should slap my hand and say BAD GIRL, dont' show these cards

oh well. i'm hitting send anyways. I'm a damn fool
if you want me, you'll come after me. That is the truth. regardless of whether or not i hit send.
But isn't encouragement great?
I think so...
*sigh*
Jennifer
i'm glad i make you laugh. You make me laugh.
*******************************************************************************

This is pretty gutsy i think. I have always been the type of girl that puts it all out there. I don't play games. I don't practice "The Rules" (though I do have my friend Pipers book from high school - still haven't followed it), and I am deep down a hopeless romantic, always looking for exactly what I found with Rick. I think rick is the same way, from reading his past blogs over the last few years. 

He is the romantic, looking for love. For an instant connection. I literally met my match. I am counting my blessings for it. He would fall so quickly for girls and he was a little desperate before he met me. Fortunately I did NOT see that side of him. But he was. He was just lonely, looking for a wife. I can't imagine going from a family and wife to being alone. It must be heart breaking really. I have never been a fan of dating. I didnt' want to date really. I wanted a husband. And that's not really a good card to hold when you go on a date.. I surely didn't plan for this to happen, especially as quickly as it did, but I am so glad that i signed up when i did. I know i keep saying all this, but I think i'm also trying to get my head around it as well. how this all happened. i have no idea, but i couldn't have done it any better.

The IM conversation from the first day lasted about 5-6 hours. Seriously. We were so drawn to one another that we couldn't pull ourselves away. It had nothing to do with anything in the physical realm. I had seen a few pictures of rick and he had seen a few of me, but really it was all based on our intellect. And our interaction was instant. We were quick and there was never really a lull in the conversation and it just flowed. we fed off one another, and now that i think about it, i am totally not surprised. This is exactly what i have always wanted. Instant love.

No matter what you think you believe, EVERY woman wants her fairy tale. BUT hardly anyone experiences it like i have in these last three months. I know that I have no time to base the "stay" power, but trust me, this has eternal power. It will last forever. For better or worse. And we are both committed to making it better. And the thing is, every day it gets better. My love for Rick is growing by the minute, even the second, and I literally am exploding with love for him. Be it near or far, he is constantly growing in my heart. I am one of the fortunate women, one in a billion i would think b/c a million doesn't seem accurate... But i am like any of the wonderful women in those Disney movies... I found my prince charming, my one true love. And sure we have some "real world" baggage to go with it, but its the 21st century here so it is expected. BUT, i still cannot believe that i have found this amazing man that challenges me and loves me and makes me feel so amazing. I am extremely blessed to be living a life from a story book. And i always knew i was destined for bigger things, bigger than i could even dream of, but i don't think this is it. I think this is just the beginning.

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