31 March 2010

too busy to stop...

that's right. i'm too busy. i'm working long days trying to get caught up at work and actually am trying to get ahead if there is such a thing.  April 1st i start my PhD writing again after a great wonderful and way too long break. Our taxes have been done, now only to file them and wait. We are fortunately in the black! woo hoo. happy day for us. Of course I have to redo them with a fresh set of eyes to make sure i didn't make any miscalculations. I hate it when that happens. His forms were more difficult to do since he is a US citizen living overseas, but I am a smart girl and if anyone else does their taxes by themselves you know, all you have to do is figure out how to read and interpret the directions. I think interpretation here is key. Apparently when you live overseas you are automatically granted a 2 month extension w/o filing for extension, so i can take my time, but I think they will be in on time anyways just because they are done.

I really don't like mean people and i never understood why people are so mean to harmless and innocent bystanders.  Some people are mean for no freaking reason. They are so angry at the world and looking to blame anyone and everyone for their problems because if they can't, they  may have to look within. And even if someone HAS done something against you, you HAVE to be a bigger person and let it go. You absolutely have to let it go. If you have truly in your heart and in your mind and in your soul, moved on, then you have no reason for being mean, cruel and angry. These things indicate that you have yet to let go. I always say, the opposite of love is not hate.... For if you are able to hate someone, then you still hold a deep seated passion for them deep down inside. No, the opposite is not hate... it is INDIFFERENCE. There is no reason to treat anyone with anything less than kindness and respect. Especially Christians. God tells us to LOVE ONE ANOTHER and to LOVE OUR ENEMY. So there is absolutely no excuse or rationalization or justification for poor treatment, anger, hatred, or abuse. And if you dare call yourself a Christian, then shame on you if you are not living by this rule.

I really think it is time to let it go and move on... You anger and hatred affect not only you, but anyone and everyone in your presence. And it really is stunting your growth as a person. so do us all a favor. Grow up, be an adult, accept your reality, (YOU KNOW that MESS YOU CREATED that now you have to live in) - do something productive about it. Quit blaming the rest of the world and quit using the rest of the world as pawns in your scheme to get sympathy. Its really not all about you as I have said before. No, its not. And the minute you realize that there are a lot more important things in life than you, the world will be a better place. Don't make me call Oprah....

29 March 2010

The 5 month countdown begins....

What you say? 5 more months?
Until I move to the Middle East? No
Until I finish my degree? Nope. Hopefully I'm done by then.
Until I go on a Hawaiian vacation with the inlaws... Nope. That's not for 6 months
Then what???

Ok, i'm being annoying i know. The END OF MY 20's as i know it!!!
In exactly 5 months I will be 30 years old! woo hoo. I am so excited. I love my birthday in every possible way. The in-laws have already invited us to Hawaii in September, so I suppose that is how i will be celebrating, but how wonderful will it be to be living with my lover by then! What a wonderful birthday that would be! Yes i said LOVER. He is my LOVER. Your husband is supposed to be your lover. Of course, many choose to have a husband AND a lover, but those people are FOOLS. FOOLS i tell you. Infidelity is stupid and quite selfish. Don't get married if you can't keep it to yourself. And don't get married if you are incapable of sharing yourself with your spouse. It works both ways. There are some frigid people out there. 
Back to me... I am so excited about being 30. It makes me feel so grown up.. Even if Rick and I will always be separated by a decade and some change, I feel a bit closer to him. And there is a wonderful thing about being married to an older man. Trust me I know. I have had it both ways. He is more in tune to my wants and needs. He is chivalrous. He is open to criticism without pouting like a little boy. Takes direction well. He is really interested in what i want and need ALWAYS putting me first. And he makes me feel so safe. I totally trust him with everything and will go and and do whatever he asks of me. Of course I also know he will not take advantage of this... But maybe that is not an age factor, Maybe it is a rick-factor. Maybe it is just who he is and i lucked out. To feel like the prettiest girl on the planet. The sexiest girl on the planet. etc etc... THAT has merit far worth anything i've ever seen. Even if I have gained a few (ahem) pounds since we got engaged, i've been on the road so much and i'm so glad to be home and trying to get life settled. But enough is enough. i always said i'd never gain the weight back that i lost the first time around. I suppose the upside to this is that I am presently the same size I was when i entered college, so i'm not all that big. Actually 17 yr old me was a good size. But nonetheless i gained a little weight. I let it happen because I was enjoying the moment, the "honeymoon" so to speak. Fortunately I don't drink alcohol so that will not be an issue. 
Did you know: Alcohol consumption on a daily basis will stop or slow weight loss results. The drawbacks of drinking far outweigh any health benefits. Despite the fact that less than 5 percent of the alcohol calories you drink are turned into fat, the main effect that alcohol has upon the body, is that it limits the amount of fat your body burns for energy. Your liver cannot metabolize alcohol and fat simultaneously, so it will always get rid of the toxic substance first. And alcohol can take days to get out of your system, depending on the number of drinks you have. This is why you almost always see heavy drinkers as overweight. Or sickenly skinny and unhealthy because they no longer eat food.  I have watched people exercise and exercise and wonder why those last 10 lbs just wouldn't let go. I myself have worked out diligently and stuck to a super strict diet, but until I eliminated the alcohol, the results were minimal. Of course, I have a drink here and there, but very few and far between now days. I don't need it. And knowing the impact it has upon the body, i'm much wiser to abstain. Knowledge is a powerful thing. Did you also know that alcoholics have broken blood vessels around the edge of their nose? some say this is a myth, but I have seen a lot of alcoholics with broken veins around the edges of the nostrils... coincidence? I think not.

So a few of my friends and I are going to challenge each other. We all have the same end goal for our weight, but we are all coming from three different starting points. I have the most to lose BUT having said that, I'm also really good at dropping the first 5 or so pretty quickly, then 10 more to go. Plus we are all about 5 pounds apart from each other with the same goal, so i'm not like the designated chunker. Not this time anyways... 

I was reading my friend Kristin's blog yesterday and she talked about a website caloriecount.com that my friend Davy also used when he realized his weight was a bit high (tee hee). So i decided to use this to help me keep track of what i'm eating. My major problem is that i eat all of my calories and more between 6pm and 10pm or later. I eat little all day then come home and binge because i'm so starving. BUT, the thing that Kris stated that I have known and mostly practiced for the past 10 years, You have to eat to live rather than live to eat. You cannot deny yourself the simple pleasures such as chocolate or icecream or whatever your Achilles heel may be, or you will eventually cave and eat the entire box/bag/bar/carton and then hate yourself for it. Rather you must, as in all things, practice self control. Don't let food be lord of your life. Don't let your weight lord over you either. Rather strive for improvement.  I have no problem eating healthy food. I actually love salad and raw vegetables, so i hopefully won't have too much difficulty.  
Unfortunately I hate working out. Not in the traditional sense. I need competition. I need the fight. So my friends and I have decided that we will have sort of a challenge between ourselves. I don't think we'll have a prize, nor will we have a loser, but we will have a great time encouraging each other towards our goal. And we have plenty of soccer games left to do it. I play every sunday and wednesday. I can do Pilates and Spinning on Thursday. Swimming on Tuesday. That leaves Monday, Friday and Saturday to figure out something to do. I suppose I will take Monday and Saturdays off since I will need a few days of rest and prefer to work out 5 days a week. Fridays I can walk my dogs and maybe swim. Then again, I also have the wii fitness plus which Ricky bought me on our wedding day. He also bought me UP and Aladdin and something about Arabia. Lawerence  maybe. Its a super old film. I haven't watched it yet because when we raided his home in Texas, I raided his movies and now am the proud owner of The Simpsons Season2-10. I am also the proud owner of Robot Chicken Season 1-4. RC is sooooooooooooooo funny. Not recommended for children under the age of 18. Sorry kiddos.
Ok, I rambled. Like i said. This is my journal. Not always dirt. Plus my husband called me mid-blog to "chat" for a few minutes in the middle of his sleeping (it was 345 am there), so i was distracted and the flow is off.
I hope to track great progress with a goal date of May 28th. Only two months, but I plan to fly out to Bahrain for a week or two, so looking my best is certainly good motivation. See? There is a positive side to living 7000 miles apart. I get to surprise him with a new and improved body. Trust me, He is going to LOVE it.
Until next time - Jennifer Beeman
(i just HAD to say that!)

27 March 2010

Its the small things that count...

The last two weeks have been somewhat surreal followed by a lot of reality. Here is what i mean. I returned from Bahrain at the end of Feb to begin my work week on March 1st. Rick arrived in the US to see me on the 12th, only 12 days after I came home. By the time I was settled back into a routine, he came along and stirred things up again. The reality struck when he left today. Dropping him off at the airport and coming home to be all by myself sure did rub it in. Rick spent his last 5 days of the trip sick, so i had the added luxury of taking care of him. It wasn't that bad, but it wasn't what i had hoped for. I mean i have to consider that we are pretty much on our honeymoon until we are living together and/or pregnant, whichever comes first.  (uh oh)  No seriously, we don't plan to try to have children until we have been together for a couple of years so that we will have ample time to get to know each other, but unless you practice abstinence (which we sort of are anytime we're not visiting ) - there is no foolproof plan. Ricky was actually quite the trooper while he was sick and feverish, and was really trying hard to act like he felt ok even though i could tell it was wearing him down. When i get sick i'm like the biggest baby in the entire world. Ask my mom. I am a mess.  Fortunately for Rick, he now has the best health care coverage that money can buy. Timing couldn't have been better. His prescriptions were a fraction of his normal cost, and he had a free dental visit and cleaning as well as a free eye exam. So far everything indicates he is in great health and nothing to worry about. Good. I need to keep him around for years and years to come.

Now it is the 27th of March, and I am alone again. This time is much harder than the last, because now we are married. I told Rick that next time he comes I don't think i will be able to let him leave without me, but i'm not sure if that is really true.  I am working on moving out to the Middle East, but presently I have some things to tend to such as my degree. Plus I have my dogs and I'm still not sure what to do about them. Really there are a billion things I need to address, but in due time I will be able to sort out all of these things.

My husband wrote a month or two back about how i track my blog. I can see who is viewing the blog, at what time, how many times they come back. No i cannot see your name, but, for instance, I have one friend in Graham NC, so I am fairly certain when the ISP address comes back from Graham, NC, that it is my friend Lara reading my blog. The same is true for my friend Erin in Georgia. Also a high school friend that lives in Russia.  Now I am definitely not saying this to discourage anyone from reading, in fact, I LOVE it when my friends read my blog. I am horrible about making phone calls and writing letters/emails and such so it is easy for me to write in this blog and share the link with others.  So I'm glad to know that there are people out there reading my blog and i appreciate those of you who are driving up my statistics. I only started sharing my blog in January, and I have had over 3000 hits. Of course, I read my friends blogs that keep them and am really disappointed when they quit writing them so i totally understand the drive to read someones blog. I really enjoy  looking at the pictures, so i'll try to post more pics. I am sure that means a lot to everyone.

I hope to my friends and family this is enjoyable to read. I know that once i move overseas, this will be somewhat important for me to maintain, at least weekly so that you can keep up with me as a phone call really isnt as easy as it is right now. As for now, this is basically me writing a journal for all to see, except i am totally leaving out the juicy parts. I wish i could dish but i don't know if it would be appropriate to talk about my husband in that way for the world to see. Lets just say that I am a very happy and satisfied woman and have absolutely nothing to complain about. You can read into that any way you want... But here is an example to get your heads out of the gutter. After dropping rick off at the airport, i returned home and he sent me a text message and told me that he had a small surprise for me if i could follow the clues. So he texted me a few clues and i finally figured it out... He left me a card (IN MY FREEZER!!). He hates writing by hand and prefers to type but he went out of his way to write me the sweetest card so that I would have that to hang onto when he left. These are the small things that really count. Or the foot rubs, neck rubs, back rubs that I get for no reason. The door is always being opened for me. He walked the dogs for me while i was at work so they would be tired and we could have better time together. The trash was always taken out AND the bag was replaced with a new one every time. Little things like that really rock my world! The dogs are presently wrestling and looking for Rick. They keep running upstairs and then back down with a sad look on their faces. They really like their new daddy a lot. And yes. He is their daddy because unlike children, dogs don't split time between parents. And my dogs are my dogs and now they have a dad. They are very happy about that! so very happy.

I am going to have to really stay focused over the next few months and get back on task with my dissertation. I did such a great job prior to leaving for Bahrain, but have not done a thing since. Now i have taxes to file for both myself and my husband, a car to sell (and an even uglier one to drive - ha ha ha - ok its not that bad but i'm like trading a box on wheels that can go over anything for a box on wheels with tiny racing wheels..), a house to fix up a bit and now its lawn mowing season coming (crap i hate that part). Ricky asked me who mowed my lawn. Um, me duh!. Its so cute how he wants to take care of me and not want me to do anything like that. too bad. I have to do it.

Super Cool Jeep Wrangler i drive with cute baby inside

Not as super cool Scion XB that I will be driving now 

And the one other really endearing thing that I know will drive me nuts one day into the future is that when you ask Rick if he did something and he hasn't, his reply is Mostly. For example: Rick, did you remember to take your clothes out of the laundry basket and pack them. "mostly"....   But for now, it really makes me smile. I sure do miss him already. These next few months are certainly going to be tough. But then again, how to make a marriage always feel like a honeymoon? Live on two different continents. That way every time we see each other its like being reunited all over again. I think it would help if we knew the date for our next time together. Then at least there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. But until then. We always have skype.

24 March 2010

Wedding Photos... round 1

And here are the last few shots. Rick and myself having our first kiss as Man and Wife.... Its sort of weird kissing in a court room. Usually you are getting divorced or sued, or fighting a ticket or something. So to have the judge tell you to kiss, its like WOAH really??? So it was interesting. More pics to come but this should tie you over until then. Ciao

23 March 2010

new perspective

So here we are, at my parents house. Finally in my bed. Well, sort of. I get this bed "my bed" as long as my sister and her husband are not here. Usually when i am here, they are too. I wonder how things will work out now that I am married again. I guess I will find out at Christmas this year, if I am even around.

The more time Rick and i spend together, the better we get along. We are learning more and more about each other and it is only bringing us closer together. We both have the same favorite Classical Musician. That is pretty cool. I still have no idea the names of the bands he lists, but i seem to know all the words to most of the songs. Some how. We are very good road trip partners. We made it from Dallas to Birmingham on Monday, and then Tuesday we made it to my parents house, which is only three hours from my own home. We could have made it all the way home, but I really wanted to see my parents and stay here, and rick was ok with that. We had dinner, hung out, shared some fun stories and then they went to bed and so did we, except i'm still awake. That's ok. Rick is sound asleep next to me. Snoring his tired little head off. I dont' mind though. Its actually soothing in a way.  My parents seem to really like him and I think the more they know about him the more they will like him. Mom pointed out that the two of us could lose a little weight. Thanks Mom. I guess i've been on vacation since february, and really since Christmas, so play time is over. Back to the gym for me. It won't be hard to lose. Never is. Lets hope this time isn't any different. I am going to make a wager with Rick on losing weight. I have to think of a good reward for the winner. Maybe the winner gets to stay in their country and the loser has to move to where they are... wait. Do i want to win that race? hmmm. Maybe?

i'd upload some wedding pics but my brother is apparently using up a lot of bandwidth and i can't get much of a chance using this connection. Speaking of my brother.... Nah. Id rather not say too much. For someone who has no interest in talking to me EVER or about my life in general, he sure seems to have an opinion of rick and myself. I don't get it. I am happier now than i have ever been. I don't know why someone thinks i'm being deceived. I know everything about rick even down to his Credit Report, social security number, blood pressure, weight, bank account information etc etc... You can't really lie about those things when you show the tangible evidence. You really just can't. And as far as us getting along and making it work, the thing is, we have no addictions or major hangups that are going to drive a wedge between us. We really don't. We are just two extraordinary people with great goals and dreams, seeing those dreams materialized. We both have pretty fantastic lives, and together, our life is one big adventure. I make him laugh so much and he makes me laugh so much and having fun... that's what it is about. And we are totally able to get serious when we need to. WE communicate everything. Our needs, our fears, our hopes, dreams, expectations, and we are both doing a great job at making it work. The more time we spend together, the better we fit. We are quickly molding ourselves together, effortlessly. It isn't work at all. It is in fact, a great joy. I love him. More now than yesterday, and undoubtedly, more tomorrow than today. He is part of Gods perfect plan for my life. God has great PLANS for us. Not just one plan. Many plans. All we have to do is stay inside his will. Its that easy.

21 March 2010

Where the heck is Grapevine, Texas

Its near dallas. That's where. I also saw a sign for a place called Flower Mound. I wonder how many other places in texas are named after living things??? Houston for Sam Houston. so thats another living breathing being. Flowers are alive. Magnolias are alive. Grapevines are living... I could go on and on about this but i think i'm done. No, i'm not. Garland, Is garland living or is it that chintzy tinsel stuff you find at christmas? Little Elm, Pear Valley, Buffalo. Thats another one. Can I count Personville too? We passed a sign for Italy today. That was pretty neat except I really don't think it would be the same as Italy in Europe. No. I'm going to take my chances here and say i seriously doubt its the same. Texas has some amazing sunsets. I remember that well. My brother went to school out here and I think that might be the one thing that i can remember but it has been a little while since then. We have family in Buffalo or somewhere near there. I think i might have ridden a horse once but riding horses scares me a bit. Id do it if i had to but i think its mostly the fear of the unknown. Sure ive been on a horse a few times but i always get the horse that threatens to fall over or throw me off. I think it would be amazing to run really fast on a horse... I think gallop? or even faster. Like in a western when Jesse James tries to get away... but i prefer to just admire them from afar and stay grounded.

So currently Ricky running a few errands. He has work tomorrow. Business stuff. And i will probably sleep in if i can. Maybe do a little work. We dropped off a ton of things at goodwill today from his house. I think we downsized from 20 boxes and bags to less than 5. We did a great job.  It was fun too. I got to rummage stuff and see the remnants from his former life... Screen Plays, Head Shots, newspaper clippings. Boxes of Beta Tapes, cassette tapes (which all got tossed b/c who in the world has a tape deck any more?? Cassette Tape?Tape deck? Whats that? HUH?  ), VHS,  lots of old stuff and TONS of stuffed animals. I mean TONS. boxes and boxes, and some clothes and other miscellaneous items. WE dropped off a big load to Goodwill and then hit the road to Dallas... and apparently rick loves frogs, I suppose his frat in college was associated with a frog or something, but since we had our first kiss,  he turned into a handsome young prince. Sooo, he's not a frog anymore so out they went with everything else....
Also since our last name is Beeman... there are tons of bees around too. So black and yellow isn't really my thing, but there are some nice things out there with bees on it and i guess i'm going to have to cave eventually. After all, i'm a beeman for the rest of my life. But I'll always always always be a Sloan. Ask anyone. Sloan is just my name. Once in college a kid came up to me (underclassman) and asked me Sloan, what's your last name. My reply, Sloan. confusion wiped over the kid. So your name is sloan sloan.? Sure kid. Whatever you say.

We went to Lakewood Church today too. We got to sit right up front because i was visiting, then we met Joel Osteen. He has an amazing church and following. Its great to see the working, and I really hope that he is not ever going to be one of those pastors that gets caught up in the "celebrity" of it all, and misses the mark. I mean really, there have been a lot of pastors that started out great and then lost sight of God and were really used to trash Christianity and especially the community of Church. I sincerely believe that he is not like that, and that he is genuine, and good. I guess we will wait and see as life unfolds for us all. I mean we have Jim Bakers, and Jimmy Swaggert, Ted Haggard... And there are surely more out there, and probably some i haven't named. Anyways, my point is that Lakewood Church is the largest church in the United States. And i witnessed first hand the people that are being impacted by the gospel, but the message being taught by Joel, and the spirit moving in these people. IT was pretty great to be able to attend and be a part of it today. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I hope God continues to bless the church and that only good will come from it. Its nice to see good examples of Christianity. there are so many bad examples out there.... We all fall short, but when you stand in front of many, you are called to a higher purpose and must lead by example.

Anyways, that was sort of a side note. I really enjoyed the sermon, it was a great one for Rick and I to hear and very reassuring. We had a great weekend. WE had a lot of fun and the trip isn't over yet. Tomorrow Rick is set out to work and then we hit the road. We're not sure which route we'll take, where we will stop, or how long we will drive, but we do know we'll have a great time. Well Romeo is back and i'm done so that is that. Until next time.

19 March 2010

No, I'm not pregnant....

So the day many have been waiting for has arrived and passed like a flash of light...  Quick and to the point, Thursday, the 18th of March, Rick and i decided to go ahead and tie the knot for various reasons... mostly money, time, and the lack of desire to go through the stress and guest list. My apologies to those of you that wanted to see a film or production or attend, but this is about Rick and myself and our commitment, and this is how it went down. Straight simple and to the point. We went to the courthouse, invited our parents and had a great day.  Our fathers were our witnesses, and since this time my fathers name is on the license, he looked at us and said, I'm putting my name on this one, You better make it work. And we will. We are in this till the end. We will endure whatever we must, be it 7000 miles of distance between us or other trials that I am fairly certain we will face. It is never easy. People change. People get tired. People grow weary, but you choose to make it work. Its not about focusing on how they can change to make you happier. its how you can change yourself to accept them as they are. And usually when two people have that attitude, it ends up being a pretty fantastic marriage.... Anyways, Rick took me ring shopping last Saturday, the day after he arrived and picked out a pretty fantastic ring. It is absolutely amazing, the diamond is nearly perfect and ranks pretty high on the 4C's scale... and of course the most important is Carat. Lets just say, it doubles the size of the ring I wore in my former life, is nearly colorless, no visible inclusions, and has very good symmetry. Once he mounted it, I was amazed by its sparkle, and the halo of nearly perfect diamonds surrounding it only add to its beauty, for a total of 40 diamonds... 39 of which are cute little perfect baby diamonds. i have a pic from my iphone but its not that focused. I can't do anything about that till i'm home, but i love it and wanted to brag a bit about what he got me so... (btw the pearl ring is still great and will be a great heirloom for my daughter one day if i have a daughter) My mom jokes that i'll have all girls...

Now we are in Texas. Rick had business and we came out to his house to take care of a few things and get out of town for a bit. His house is actually quite impressive. Everything is bigger in Texas and you can't mess with Texas. Right???  I find a lot of things laughable, but nonetheless, I have a lot of family out here and find Texas to be quaint and old fashioned... There are places in Texas that are uncivilized in the best kind of way, and you really feel like you're in an old Western film... Then again there are the other parts that are... not North Carolina.

The party I aluded to on Friday is sort of more than just a party. Its a celebration. If you can make it you can come. Anyone is welcome, unless you are mean spirited. Then you are not welcome. I plan on having this party, but also keep in mind for anyone that comes...  - Its my HUSBANDs last night in town that night, so bear in mind its not a late night party. At least not for guests.

Cheers for now. I think I'm on my honeymoon.

17 March 2010

somethings brewing....

Friends... Rick and I will have a party at my house NEXT Friday. Which is the 26th. Please send emails and comments if you are interested in attending and we will go from there as far as details. Pray for no rain! Until then enjoy Rick and my girls. They love each other very much. I think he is going to accept the package deal after all!!  Happy St. Patties day! Today marks several anniversaries - the 4 year anniversary of  buying my house, the 11 year anniversary of committing my life to God as I know him, the Umpteenth anniversary of Ricks parents meeting for the first time, and finally, the Anniversary of the DEATH of good old Saint Patrick. Life Is Good. Beware of the leprechauns underfoot. You wouldn't want to squish one. I hear its quite bad luck.

12 March 2010

There must be some amazing tail winds...

Rick is coming!! Rick is coming!! Rick is coming!! Rick is coming!! Rick is coming!!
And the tail winds must be amazing because he is looking to get here OVER an hour ahead of schedule!!! More like an hour and a half. I am tracking his flight online and trying to work but that is pretty hopeless right now. I am too excited. Nervous even. I am so nervous to see him. Not sure why. It will be fine. Once i see him my anxieties will quell, but until then...

Hopefully he doesn't take a long time to get through customs. It shouldn't be a problem unless someone is waiting to seize him at the gate. Heh heh, only kidding. So here you have it. Rick is nearly here. You can see the picture i took from the net. It basically says 45 minutes to arrival. And i couldn't be happier!!!!!!!

10 March 2010

Party Time?

I host a party about once or twice a year. I guess a bit more if you count the small deck gathering, fire pits, and after game cookouts. My parties are not that big and they don't get out of control... though that is probably an objective statement.  I have a big deck and I tend to throw a party when the weather is nice. The weather is pretty nice out right now.... But this weekend calls for rain and having 2 dogs and people coming in and out doesn't make for a good party or a clean house, both of which i aspire to. Plus i cancelled my cable TV months ago and if there is a game on (there is) I can't show it. (FYI its always soccer season on FSC) 
So... If i have a party, which i would like to do, it will happen next weekend and not this one. Rick will be too jet lagged to enjoy it anyways and honestly i just want to enjoy my time with him.
I would like for my friends to all meet rick. I think we have dinner plans with my close and personal friend AWS on saturday. I have a soccer game on Sunday at 4pm so my teammates will get to meet him and show off i hope. Hopefully we will get a nice turnout at trivia on Tuesday next week at Hibernian in cary (there's the plug for the Hib  - now sponsor my team)....  He will come to work with me on Tuesday as well and then to meet my therapist. That ought to be interesting.
I especially want him to meet  people so that all of our skeptics (yes they are still out there) can meet the man behind the madness and move on. No seriously. Do i really care what you think? NO. If you don't like my life, then go away. Live your own life. Why should mine matter? Leave me alone.  I don't care what everyone else thinks. Not really. Never really have. You can ask my mom about that one too.  I am happy. So happy. I have never been this happy. Ever. Not that I can recall. Even among 10 state championships, they don't hold a flame to this. Not even close. Sure it was a happy time, but i think back then it was really expected. This was not. Not at all. From the very beginning of my entry into "e-harmony" world. I did not expect this. But now that I have it. I sure am not letting go. So there.
And what else? I don't know. There is a lot going into the next week (or so)... A lot going to happen. 
I guess i better clean my house and get this started. 
Thank goodness for my housekeeper coming on short notice this Friday and promising to be done by 4pm. Nothing like a  clean house to say welcome "home"...  Ellie and Marley got haircuts and baths too. Its really cute. Nothing like a pair of clean dogs to join the welcoming committee. Yeah. I think we're going to have a party of our own this weekend. Just me, the girls, and Rick Beeman... I welcome the rain.... Blockbuster, a bag of popcorn, a bottle of soda, and my three favorite cuddle bears. Life sure doesn't get better than this.... At least not yet

09 March 2010

Keeping it to myself

There have been many times in my life that i have shared information that people would prefer i kept to myself. Once its out there, its out there. Once you hit send on that email, you can't hit unsend. Its funny, the other day i saw an email and it was sent twice. The funny thing is that the second email had removed a vital sentence. I don't think the sender realized that they sent two copies. I think the "edited" message was perceived as the only copy sent. It wasn't. Then again, there are also times that i withhold information that people really want to know.  I'm not always at liberty to share everything.... Trust me, if i could i would... My mother will attest to that. I'm the most honest open book you'll meet. Its virtue to a flaw. I'd rather be flawed virtuously than pathological. I know crazy. Its not me.

The thing is, plans don't always work out as intended. When we establish plans and then they fall through, we disappoint ourselves b/c we are so built up on our plans. We disappoint others who have put faith in us that our plans would work out. And we are disappointed by those who didn't follow through with keeping their word in the first place.

I have always been taught, by a very godly man, that when you say you are going to do something. You do it. Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no. Period. That is it. If you tell someone you are going to do something, then follow through. If you ask someone to make plans with you, unless something earth shattering happens, you keep those plans. Period.

Here is an example. When i was a kid i was invited to a birthday party. So i said yes.  A few weeks later, a mere day before the party, I was invited to go to an amusement park. Well guess what? I decided I wasn't going to the party anymore, because I was going to the park. (no brainer). Unfortunately, because my parents have such a high moral conscience and set standards, I had two choices. I could stay home, or I could attend the previously committed to party. I was not allowed to bail just because a better option came along.  Looking back. I think this instilled a great sense of morality within me.

My point tonight is that, the grass is always greener, until you get there. Then you realize you had really good grass in your own lawn, but you've already left, so now you're stuck with the new lawn and eventually the lawn you left finds a new gardener and you're stuck with the lame grass you left the old lawn for. Then the new grass fades, dies even, and you're stuck looking at other grass again. This is cyclical. You are one type of person or the other. You are faithful and you stick with your grass no matter what, or you are unfaithful, and you are ALWAYS looking for greener pastures. The sad truth is, there is no such thing as a greener pasture. It is what you make of it. If you tend to your garden, it will be fruitful. If you are so busy shopping around for a new garden and/or telling your garden how inadequate and stupid it is, it is going to die and you will feel like your only option is to move to a new garden. The trouble does not lie within the garden. Its the gardener. Its YOU. Your grass dies because you fail to tend to it. As Smokey the bear says, Only you can prevent forest fires. I think i made my point.

08 March 2010

Now all I need to decide...

Is what to WEAR...

I am very excited about next week.  Great news to report. Rick will be here, as i have previously mentioned. And now there is more news to report. Originally he planned to come to the US and had plans already, but those plans fell through. Lucky for me, i still am part of the plan. I am not going to disclose WHAT those plans were or WHY those plans fell through  - because to reward with even the slightest mention apart from this would be quite undeserving. So yeah. There you have it. I said it. It doesn't deserve a mention.

I only have to go to bed four more nights before Rick gets here. This is my way of counting the days. How many more times do i have to go to bed before i wake up and the day for him to be here is finally here?  Its like a child counting down to Christmas. Will Santa be here tonight? No child, not tonight. Ooookayy.. Repeat until the answer is desired. Either way, I'm quite busy, and rick's arrival is not the only great news. Ricks parents are flying in to see us as well. And I was able to put them up in one of "The Leading Hotels of the World." Apparently it is quite nice. I know people that know people that know people. Actually, I can stay there anytime I want, but i have a house 6 miles away from there, so I drive home. Its a little cheaper that way. But its right on my work campus - they actually had to push our security gates back a few hundred yards when the hotel was being built so that workers, builders, and now the guests could get to the hotel without encroaching on our private property.  We have some top secret stuff going on at work. Ask me about it some time. I'm really excited about them staying at "The Umstead" hotel. And I can drop Rick off on my way to work (even though i have to go to the main gate which is sort of out of the way, so i'll probably make him walk hahahah)... only kidding (bring comfy shoes Rick)
So the news is not over. There is more. Not only are Mr. and Mrs. Beeman flying out from California to see Rick and meet me, his older sister Shari is also driving down from Virginia to see us and her parents (note: she just saw them all last week on a cruise so it has not been a long time since they last saw each other) So Shari is coming too. AND the news is still not over. Shari has 4 kids. 2 daughters and 2 sons. Both of her daughters REALLY want to come see Uncle Rick, so they too are coming. How exciting! I know my nephews love seeing me because i'm so much fun so i can imagine how his nieces must feel about him! What a week it is going to turn out to be. It went from a little bit of a change in plans (though not unexpected), to a quiet week alone with Rick, to an ever growing family reunion. And its STILL NOT OVER; No you ask? Well, for starters, Shari's husband is thinking about flying down to have dinner with us on Tuesday night because thats how he rolls. And Thursday night, Rick, Don, and Rita (aka the Beemans) and David, Judy and myself (aka The Sloans) will all be having dinner together at an undisclosed time and place. HOW FUN RIGHT???? Ok, so fun is not quite the word i am looking for, but .... neat-o daddio? lol. whatever. c'est la vie. 
I am very excited to meet his family in person (really wish KristenBM. and LoriSQ. could also be there but...) wait.. Kristen BM... did you see that? I know you're reading this Kris. Do you realize your new last name?? I can't wait to point this one out to Ricky, we are sure to have a good turn at you now. :) So our other sisters can't be there but we're so glad that we get to see all the family we do get to see. AND i know my brother won't be there but not a shocker there. He is 23 and has free will and nobody can tell him what to do, and nobody can manipulate his thoughts either. good for you matt. Keep on keeping on. Let me know how that works out. I digress. i can talk about him for days and days and get nowhere fast. At least not in his graces. One day matty. one day. 
You would think that being home, i would finally get to rest,  but I guess there's always next month. Somehow i don't see this stopping. 
Ricky, hurry up and get here. Hurry up so we can run away together. Run far far away...
Wait, that's another Jenni in another movie, and i think she wanted to fly, so lets stick to the script.
What's my next line?
Oh right.....
"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship"

07 March 2010

Starting Over

The beautiful part about making mistakes is that you are always allowed to start over. AT least in my life. Now of course, there are often consequences to bad decisions, but the fact remains, just because you mess up doesn't mean its over.

Now there is another kind of starting over. Starting anew. Fresh beginnings.

You see, I have a great job, a nice house, 2 sweet dogs, and no debt outside of my mortgage. I am living the American dream. And I am living it well. But what if this is not what I am supposed to be doing? I have begun to ask myself, am I open to the possibility of major change?
Of course, agreeing to marry a man who lives in the Middle East, that speaks volumes about something, but what about letting go ? Am I really going to be able to let go of all this excess baggage and start my life over? Round two?

To really look at the answer to this, I had to spend a lot of time searching for answers, guidance and wisdom from God. I really feel like the more i sit on my couch nursing this cold, and the more dog hair i pull out of my [mouth, shirt, couch, pillow, pants, socks, i can go for hours on this] the more i realize. yeah. i can give it up. I love these dogs, but sometimes what they need more than anything is a loving home where they will get more attention. I'm still not sure, but the more times i do laundry, and have to sift out the dog hair from the wash, and the more i sneeze from the tickle of pet dander and dog hair... the more readily i am to just let it go.
And then there is my house. I love my house. It is not big, but i bought in a great location and it is worth well more than i paid for it. My house needs some work, and I am pretty sure that I am supposed to finish the house to the best of my ability in order to get the best profit in return, but .... with the home comes memories, and not all of them are good ones.
My house was a foreclosure, and I was able to really design it how I wanted to which is super great. BUT, this is where my ex husband and i lived together after we got married (for the entire 16 months) This is where a lot of abuse occurred. I have many deep scars from this place. And while I have done a wonderful job making it my own and eliminating the scars and making it a happier home... the memories might never completely fade, and part of letting go and moving on IS letting go and moving on. So a new roof, floor, and a bathroom await, and a front porch that is rotting, and some woodpecker holes, some drywall patching, and really i'm not sure where to draw the line. A house can eat up your entire savings and then some. I suppose wisdom says, consult with an expert and get done only that which will provide the best return.

So while I love my home, and did a great job changing it from a haunted house to a happy home... I think soon enough it will be time to let it go. I"m in an awesome school district, and hopefully will make enough profit to sink into a CD with a high return for when i come back to the US one day.

NO, i'm not leaving yet, but letting go is a process.

I do not think that i will have to completely leave my job, but if i do, it is because I will choose to trust God and follow His will for my life. God just wants me to surrender, and to admit that all of that which i have is not even mine, so hoarding that which He has given and given quite generously is selfish and not the point of his blessings. So now the only question i have to ask is.  Why am I being led into the desert? I have no idea. But I have learned that i am better off not questioning God, and just following. I know I haven't always trusted and followed God for my life, and typically followed out my own will, and that has just led me into a pile of trouble and heartache and pain and a lot of wrong turns. So blindly trusting seems like a much better option to trying to follow my own logic and reason. Of course I was still given this brain to use, but my will is quite strong and it is time that i lay aside my stubborn and unyielding self for a while and see just where this road leads. Worst case scenario: i have an amazing time with a wonderful man who wants nothing more than my happiness. I can live with that.  Best Case Scenario (which i firmly to be in play here) I have not just an amazing time, but an amazing life with my soon to be husband Because God is a mystery, his plan is not yet known to me, and I don't believe my simple mind can even fathom the depths of that which he has in store for Rick and myself. But I am certain this adventure is far from over. We've only just begun.

05 March 2010

Can it get any better?

Ok. Call me simple. Call me easy to please. Call me whatever you want. But I am soo excited right now. I just received a package in the mail from Rick. What did he send me? Flowers? no. Jewelry? no. Candy? no.


my neighbor Julie has it. She is this great girl and i played it with her right after New Years. I was the "can you beat this level for us?" girl.... ok. No problem. I'm quite the video geek. Well, not every console and not every type of game (i.e. sports except for wii sports) BUT i am great at nintendo products. Always have been. Probably because its for kids like me.

You see. I have been playing Nintendo since the early 1980s. I actually still have my original console. We got it in 1986 for Christmas. I also got a kid sister (the doll). The same year we got a VCR. I also got a baby brother the following March. People were confused because I asked for a Kid Sister doll and they thought i wanted a baby sister. No stupid. I want a doll. I already have a sister. Give me a brother any day. I'll let you know how that turned out later. I still have the doll too. She's sort of creepy looking now, but can you still hear the song? "kid sister, kid sister, wherever i go, she's gonna go, kid sister, kid sister... kid sister and me"
My nintendo was so old it came with the following THREE games on THREE separate cartridges. MARIO BROTHERS (not to be confused with super mario), GYROMITE (and the R.O. B. robot)  and of course DUCK HUNT: 


Early on my video gaming began. I would go to my friends houses and play for hours. My friends were mostly boys. Not many of the girls could hold enough interest in video games to last with me. My fingers would get so sore, sure but who cared. My dad would play at night when we were in bed. He loved playing Metriod. We got him Metroid and Kid Icarus for his birthday one year. I guess it was February 1987. I remember mom getting the gifts. She put them in the Jelly Cupboard which was right by the Great Room. That was silly. I opened up Kid Icarus and played until just before she got home, then i would put it back. I had to test it out before dad's birthday, and frankly, I couldn't wait. I think i finally got caught, but who cared, IT WAS AWESOME!! And mom was pregnant so what was she going to do? She was busy nesting or something. Who knows. I'll relate better once i go through the same. And what is better than a woman who can play video games (and enjoys it), eat whatever i please and ENJOY it,  play sports (well), AND can rock a dress and hang with the bluest of bloods... I guess i'm tooting my own horn here but i feel pretty AMAZING and i have Rick to thank for that!

The point i am making here is, Rick hit a really good nerve here, and he will be lucky if 
1. he gets to talk to me this weekend at all.
2. he gets to see me away from the Wii next week when he gets here, and 
3. I'm sorry, i'm busy about to play Wii. I can't write any longer. Peace out! 
This is going to be AWESOME!!!!!!

04 March 2010

here in 8 days??

Here is the good news! Rick is coming !!! He will be here on the 12th!!!!! I guess he just couldn't wait another second to live without me that he just HAD to book a flight. I am so excited for him to meet my family. I can't wait!!

that is all

03 March 2010

How cool are we?

Happy Birthday Matt Sloan. He is 23 today and quite the eligible bachelor! Handsome too. Let me know i'll hook you up. (your welcome matty matt)

Here are just some pics to share:    Someone is REALLY COOL!

 DUBAI Marina

The worlds TALLEST building


CHOMPER SECOND PLACE (we don't say loser)

02 March 2010

Reality Bytes

I want to go back to the place I was a little over a week ago... To a 5-Star resort equipped with a water park, aquarium (with a HUGE whale shark that had a posse of fish swimming by its side), and the views were amazing, and soccer goals, and an amazing spa.. I could go on and on about this place. It was awesome. And warm. So warm. Right now it is close to freezing temps and raining. The only thing worse than cold weather is cold and rain. Where its just warm enough that the precipitation doesn't freeze. Misery. Absolute Misery. That is what this is. Cold. Wet. Miserable.
And alone really isn't so bad. Sure it would be nice to have my life size teddy bear by my side... but i suppose for now these two dogs will do. They're funny when i leave town for an extended period of time. I have taken 3 two week long trips in the past year. When i return, they are so excited to see me. And the next day when I have to leave for work, they look so sad to watch me drive off. Leaving again so soon. I'm really impressed with a dogs ability to think and the memory they have. And when I return from work, you can tell they are so very excited that I have come back so soon. The memory that before I had gone for so long and now, excited that I'm back. Then again, they are excited that I am home any time i pull into the driveway. The minute i hit the garage door button, they greet me at my car, nearly crawling under the tires and they follow me all the way into the garage, and jump into my lap as soon as I open the door. Its quite endearing. But when I come home after a long trip, for the first few days/week, they are more excited than normal. Begging to be by my side. And I absolutely love it. I love them.  My baby girls.
Still, when it comes to it, IF i have to choose. Between Canis Lupus and Homo Sapien... I choose Rick.  The homo sapien. Every time. Despite that fact that 9 times out of 10, I can get ellie to eat her green vegetables without thinking twice and without making a face.... A dog that eats her veggies. I've raised quite a good girl. But Marley. Marley is another story. Marley is my cute cute mutt, but she also comes with quite the temper and such an attitude.  Marley will be much easier to pawn off on someone else. But still. IF i get to choose them all... I will. Because there's enough room in my heart for all three and then some; and there's always room for more...

01 March 2010

Thoughts from the air...

A little something i wrote from the sky:

I’m on a plane headed back to the states. The last 17 days have been amazing and my heart is so heavy. I would have to say my departure from Bahrain was just as poetic as my arrival. We walked to security where I checked my luggage and met Rick back outside. We split a Cinnabon and a coke. He walked me back to security, and we embraced. Tears streamed down my face and he kissed me hard, lip to lip, in what felt like a good long minute, it was probably a mere 10 seconds. He finally let go, looked me straight in the eye, and I hugged him again, embraced him hard, and then I let go, and walked away. The tears were falling even harder, and I looked back a few times. He said some things and made me laugh. The tears remained. I had my carry-on luggage scanned again, and walked towards my gate.  I looked around the corner because I could hear a voice yelling I love you Jenni… It was Rick. Like a lover running along a train, he ran along the gate and watched me leave through emigration.  I looked back until I could see him no longer. Tears and pain stung my heart. I am so sad. It was all I could do to get on the plane and take my seat. Now nearly 230am, I got settled into my seat, watched the start of a movie through tear stained eyes until they couldn’t bear to remain opened, and I fell asleep.  I’m so sad right now. I arrived in heathrow after a 7 hour flight. I slept about 4-5 of the hours. I hastily got off the plane knowing rick would be awake. Anxious to call him and tell him my first of three legs was over.  Finally I got a wireless signal and called over skype using my iphone. I do love technology.
Even now, my heart pains. I cannot imagine many more days without him. To be honest. I cannot fathom living an entire day without him by my side. At least to see him for a brief moment once a day: To look in his eyes, pray by his side, hold his hand, touch his face, run my fingers through his hair, run my nails down his back, touch his cheek with the side of my hand, look into his warm eyes and feel the safety of his embrace. I am so sad.  I imagine when I go home I will frantically begin to pack up my house, sort out my belongings, and get the rest settled so that I can be ready to move away.  I am nervous to leave my home and my dogs and my life, and I will continue to pray that my company will choose to keep me. 
I want my career. But more than that, I desperately want to be with my future husband.
My time with him was brief but enough; enough to know that we are made for each other. We both have rough edges, but I will work on mine, and he will work on his, because we both desire to be better people for each other. Its not about changing the other, its about striving to be the best us we can be: Because our love is that great and because we want nothing more than to sacrifice ourselves to make the other happy. And we are so happy. I have no doubt of any of this.
The next few months are going to be rocky to say the least. 7050 miles of separation with an 8 hour time zone. The challenge now that we have each other is going to be far greater than it was before we met in the flesh. But the flesh, Oh the flesh. His smell, his look, his face, his touch, his gentle kiss, his embrace… the way he holds me to make me feel safe. The way he reassures me that everything is alright and that with just one look in my eyes I know that he is sincere. I know that he is exactly who he says he is and that he will try to do exactly what he says he will do. And if he doesn’t, its not out of intention but rather because of human error. And we all have that don’t we? We all forget to do what we say we will some times, we all exaggerate out of convenience. 8 is 10, 180=200… rounding is normal. But the heart of the person, the root of it all, that is the most important thing to analyze. And if there is no ill will... which there is not, and then it is all ok. I do love my fiancĂ©, and I cannot wait until the day we get married. It may be a lot sooner than you think. It may be a lot sooner than even I think.
Honey, I’m home…words I heard the other day as Rick barged in the door from a long day at work, and it won’t be long till my home is no longer here, and my life begins anew once again. I can’t wait!! If Rick is there, I will go anywhere: As long as I get to be by his side.  The separation now will be quite unbearable, but soon enough, we will never have to part again.