28 February 2010

i'm home... sort of

I am finally home and was trying to fight sleep as long as i could. I think i can no longer fight it. I miss rick like crazy and cannot wait until he comes to visit. I think whenever that is, we will just get married because we cannot bear to be apart any longer. Ok, so marrying doesn't mean we'll immediately live together, but it is a good step. I wasn't sure i'd miss him immediately. I was actually afraid that once I got home I would just be content being alone (as I usually am), but now that i am here the void is quite clear. I am sure I will have more to say later, but for now, i must go to bed. here is a great shot i wish to share. Right after this one, the camel nudged Ricks hand as we had been feeding him. Rick let out a scream that made me laugh so hard. He was startled, and I was greatly entertained. Thank you for that Joe Camel. Thank You.

23 February 2010

Back in Bahrain

Our vacation in Dubai was amazing. We had such a wonderful time on the beach and at the water parks.
I want to write more and eventually I will, but i'm just recovering from it all. The sun really drained me and while i didn't really get too sunburnt (especially considering I had on zero sunscreen), i am a bit bronzed and zapped but i will survive. somehow.  We stayed at the Atlantis Resort on the Palm. If you are familiar with Dubai, you know what I'm talking about. The man-made palm island. The resort is at the tip. It was absolutely wonderful.

I am starting to realize my time here is almost over. Rick and I have a lot to figure out. Mostly I do, but we are a team and we will figure it out together. My house, my dogs, my job and my degree are all things that i cannot just irresponsibly leave behind. I have to tend to them. I wish to rent my home, and keep the three latter items. I love my dogs and I believe that the only way I'm going to be able to get back on the plane on Sunday morning is because I know they are at home waiting for me. Anxiously. Eagerly. And I miss them.They are in good hands, but i won't just give them away and Rick knows that. So we are praying that we will figure out a way to keep them here. Wherever here may be. We have looked at a few apartments out here, but i'm not ready for that. We are trying to focus on each other and the little time we have left. We are not sure how long until we see one another again and we are not sure if i will be coming to visit or to stay next time i come. There are tons of details to work out, but it will all work out. We trust that. And we have each other. We can do anything together. We know it.

I joke that he is going to have to come to the US and get me, that i will not be able to leave so easily. I envision him coming to my home, club in hand, so he can clobber me over the head and drag me by my pony tail. I, of course, would oblige.
Caveman Love Royalty Free Stock Vector Art Illustration

19 February 2010

The elevator doors were closing

We arrive in Dubai and quickly immigrate into the UAE.  Flying Business class with the Emirates is quite nice. But sadly, the quick entry into the country was the last thing that was expedited on our trip. I stood and watched the bags go round and round the turnstyle. Eventually new bags were no longer being spurned out from the hole, and still, no sight of the bag. I start to panic a bit. Rick and I packed our things into one bag so we had nothing but the laptops on our back. So we talk to customer service. All we get is told there is a 90% chance our bags are somewhere in Dubai and a 10% chance it never made the flight. Being the skeptical statistician that I am, I doubt these numbers are anything more than grabbed out of thin air to satisfy a worried passenger. I was not convinced. Where was her data to back this up? She had none. Clearly she didn't realize who she was dealing with, but i was so happy. Am so happy. I don't care. I didn't fight or fuss. I just accepted it and hoped the bag would show up that night.

We finally arrive at the hotel once we realized our bag was not going to show up on the turnstyle, but our room is not ready, like five hours of not being ready. so we are seated and left to wait for a while. They then profusely apologize and usher us up to Sloanes Restaurant (how apt) for 220 AED a person nice super buffet. We are staying at Grosvenor House. The food -- it is over 55$ a person. It was free for us. We have been so blessed. Finally after much waiting and a slow meal of eating what you can and waiting a bit longer, FINALLY we are led to the room, we are tired and we are full, but we have nothing to wear and nothing to do, so we decide to go for a walk.... WE went for a long walk on the beach, and had a wonderful time being alone without distraction. Just the two of us. By the time we walked on the  beach, one of us got really hungry and one of us was still totally stuffed from FOOD FEST 2010 as I like to call it. Because we really did eat sooo much. I don't think we ever ate again that night, so the hungry party got over it. Our lost bag finally arrived at the hotel, and I cant remember much of it though because I was wiped out and the lack of sleep from the past... well all of this year really,  and I was done. Vacation at last.

Today was nice. I finally slept past 8am which was amazing in itself. I had a nice breakfast on the hotel patio. That was amazing too. It really has been quite nice staying here. We went to the beach and for a swim. We had a wonderful afternoon. Went to "a" mall (there are tons here), and then here and there. We had dinner with an old college friend of Rick's father, who is now the provost at Zayed University. He and his wife had us over for dinner. We went for a walk first, took a small taxi boat to the SOUQ, shopped a bit and drank in the culture. I have been in enough markets to learn how to avoid eye contact as the sales people try to lure you in with their products. It was funny to watch how they gravitated to me, but not uncommon. I am a young blonde female in a country where dark hair and dark eyes are the norm. Had I been in a scandanavian country, they would have let me be. But, as it turns out, I am in the Middle East. Its just like being in mexico. The first time, I was 12 and lori was 14. We walked through the shops and people just stare.  Secretly i like the attention. Maybe its not a secret. Dinner and conversation with Dan and Elaine was excellent and I really enjoyed it.  Dubai is amazing. The beach is great. The water is awesome and you can open your eyes in it and it is so clear. No salt water does not burn. We have been busy. The next few days are going to be down time for us.

Here is a funny story I will leave you with: Getting into an elevator is quite exciting when Rick is there and nobody else. Since the Middle East is quite conservative, he uses the time to kiss me. Yeah yeah, i'm sure you've all found time and places to sneak kisses, but since we are hardly able to express our ever growing excitement for one another, we have found the confines of elevators to be the place.  In our flat in Bahrain, after the first few days, I realised there was a camera in the elevator. Rick laughed and said, "Well, I'm sure that's why the door man is so nice to us when we come in from work."  Maybe they do enjoy it?

So here in Dubai, we are leaving the beach to come back in for a few minutes and as soon as the doors close he kisses me. Quite passionately I might add. We are on G... the next floor up is L. We did not hear the elevator stop at the next floor. We did not hear the doors open. But what we did hear, were the doors closing. I stopped him because I was quite stunned by the noise, and I looked at the doors, expecting them to be on their way to open... But no. This was not the case. The doors were closing...

I couldn't see anyone there, but i can imagine that someone caught an eyeful of my fiancĂ© giving me quite the kiss and quietly stepped out of the way, to let us revel in our passion for one another.... The doors closed, and after a bout of hysterical and tearful laughter, and despite my red-faced embarassment Rick didn't think twice before coming in for another kiss. Round 2. We are like high school lovers. I have never found so much joy and satisfaction in kissing.  And that is fine for me. After all. Rick plans to wait until we are married before we take our love any further. And i am totally ok with that.

17 February 2010

Page 3 news!!!

So we had the interview with Gulf Weekly news.
http://www.gulfweekly.com/article.asp?Sn=7232&Article=24238
I think the reporter did a fabulous job writing this article. "True love clicks"... And it was on page three which was quite an honor. I can't believe what a fuss is being made over us, but then again, i am so excited and in love. It all seems so natural to me. This seems natural. I really believe I was made for him and he for me. IT is quite amazing really. And how comfortable we are with one another. i am so comfortable and at ease with Rick. He is taking such good care of me, and you can tell it is this natural kind of care, not like the kind where he's trying to impress me and it will soon wear off - you can usually spot the impostors and the ones that are just trying b/c it doesn't feel natural and it tries too hard. I can tell it is genuine. And he lavishes me with such great love. He takes care of me. He is kind, compassionate, loving. He is the person that when he says, I just want to make you happy, you can tell he really means it. And i am -SOOOO happy.



I also got pics from the ball today. These are now my favorites of Rick and myself. It is amazing how many photographs have been taken of us. like five hundred. Really, such a fuss.



I'm excited about the next few days. We are going to work all afternoon, then we will go home from work and relax and pack. Comedy show tonight. I am excited to see it. I have met a lot of the comedians, and I am really looking forward to seeing Rick direct, and watching them act because they are really so funny.

And then.... tomorrow! I am so excited for tomorrow i can't stand it. We are going to Dubai. Just rick and myself. We are staying in a luxury resort, and we are going to be alone! NO more itinerary for us. Just rick. myself, and a beach! i love the beach. especially when it was so very cold when i left home. If neither of us blog for the next three days, don't worry for us. We are just busy shutting out the world.

15 February 2010

Who needs sleep?

My last few days have been pretty intense, and I'm excited to leave this town and go on vacation to Dubai. Not because I don't like it here in Bahrain. I actually really do. I love it here and it does quite feel like home, I think the jatlag has set in and i've met so many people and I think i remember about half the names. But it has been meeting after meeting and i'm ready for a little break.

Here has been my adventure so far....

I arrived on Thursday. Rick proposed immediately - first words out of his mouth (i guess I have that effect on men)

Friday morning Rick took me to church b/c that is church day here, then to brunch at the Ritz with ricks friend darren., which was quite nice, then we went to the sea which was very beautiful, and then i took a nap. I had about 3 hours of sleep in about 48 by that point so i was TIRED. Then to the ball. The Palm Association Ball. You can probably google information about it. It was a good time. Our first real date. i think the highlight for me was watching the video that Rick made for it. I'm not really an expert, but I think he had a very good vision for the whole thing. It definitely evoked emotion in me, it was very moving and you could tell from the reaction around and the applause, that it was quite well received. I couldn't stop smiling because I knew he made it and I was proud, so very proud...

Saturday, I got another three hours of sleep because we stayed up late talking and laughing after the ball, and then I just woke up about 3-4 hours later. I was just too excited to sleep. There was a sandstorm when I woke up and it was pretty neat to see... Then breakfast with yet another friend, a video production by the Arabites, quite a funny and talented group of men. I got to have a small part - ha ha. And then home to nap but never really slept. Then to the mall for dinner. Then I had hit yet another wall as the jet lag began to set in and started getting quite fussy so we went home and watched some movie that rick was dying to see. It was funnier at the second halfl to the end, but he had asked me to purchase it for him and bring it to bahrain so i did.. WE talked to my parents and to his so that all went well for the most part.

Sunday was Valentines day. We went to breakfast then to work. Then to the grocery store. I made a lasagna for the  group coming to Ricks home Monday night, then we went out to trivia. It wasn't all that romantic - his friends pointed out BUT the fish and chips were great, and as I pointed out to them, Rick flew me all the way to Bahrain. How much more romantic can you get than proposing on the spot first time you meet me in person?? And then going  to church, the Ritz, and then the Palm Association Ball. (still waiting on a pic, it was fabulous!)

Anyways i'm happy, AND there is an interview for the Gulf Weekly that is read by everyone here and that is going to be great. The feature article that i'm referring to is the story of rick and myself ;) MOre to come.

12 February 2010

I said yes....



Arriving in Bahrain was quite a blur. I arrived to Heathrow at about 8AM London time and found my gate. After finding my gate, I went to the bathroom and took my time changing my clothes and trying to make myself feel as pretty as I could. I had a feeling that once i arrived in Bahrain there would be little time or inferior facilities. (i was right).

So I changed my clothes, put on a little makeup, and went to my gate and boarded the plane. Its all quite a blur really.... I think i got on the plane, was fed yet another meal, and managed to organize some thoughts for my dissertation but mostly spent my time counting down the hours.I think the total amount of time that had lapsed from takeoff in RDU to landing in BAH was about 25 hours, but it sure felt like 100. I kept pausing my movie on the plane and checking the time left until arrival. I was quite anxious.

I arrive. I get off the plane. I go through Immigrations/Customs and get my visa. I go through some sort of security and then onto baggage claim. Its really all a blur. So i get my bags, I swear my bags are literally among the first 10 off the plane. I'm so fortunate that way. So I grab a man to cart my bags out of the airport and i begin to exit looking for rick. I go out the gates and I start to round the corner. I start looking around for him and then I spot him. There he is. Oh my goodness... the handsomest man I have ever seen, holding gorgeous flowers is waiting for me, BEAMING from ear to ear. I am so not disappointed... I slow down and the rest of this is quite a dream. I approach him. Time really has stood still. There are noises around me, and i notice two of his coworkers, holding a video camera and a still camera, and I think about what is going on and I sort of catch on, but its all happening so fast and so slowly which i know makes no sense, but this is the honest truth. Its sort of like that movie Big Fish, where the guy sees the girl and has to walk through the popcorn. This is exactly how i envisioned the way the time would behave once I caught sight of him. MY perception was right and once I see him. I cannot take my eyes off of his. I feel like the entire world is watching me, us. But I do not notice them. Not really. Our eyes lock and I don't think our gaze ever unlocked.... I am melting and my knees are growing quite weak.

He hands me the flowers and before we can even say a word, he DROPS TO HIS KNEE.  and this crowd of people all watching, they all gasp. Its like someone was holding a cue card to evoke this sort of unanimous reaction, but for these next few seconds, I am the center of the entire Universe. I suppose this is how it is supposed to feel, and I was not afraid about what was coming next.  Jenni. will you marry me?? I'm literally speechless, which is quite a sight to see. I must be smiling so big because  i am so happy, and I know that I know that I know, he is the one. The moment I saw him, any doubt that I had was removed. Our eyes are locked and I say yes. I said yes! Applause and cheers abound, and he stands up and did something he said he wouldn't do. He broke the law and kissed me. Now I can honestly say I never kissed my fiance until we got engaged. How romantic. And our eyes, our gaze. It was still locked. We really were not going to look away from each other. I couldn't look away. I was in amazement and awe of what I was seeing, him. For the very first time. Was I crazy? Am i? Probably. But one thing that is for sure...  He is the one. I am so surprised and a little embarrassed because I really am not the one for being caught offguard, but the embarrassment is a good kind that I know I will remember forever. 

So I really have no memory of this other than that because I was so jetlagged and in such a daze, but here I am 36 hours later, and I'm still sure that I have made the right decision. And the beauty of it all. It was caught on tape. His camera crew video taped it, and he was wearing a microphone so whatever words I managed to utter out of my mouth were captured. I sure can't wait to see it. 

50 kisses and fancy ball later - where I meet so many people that absolutely adore him - I am still trying to gain my bearings, and I love this man. Everyone else seems to love him too which only further confirms what I already knew to be true and it is quite obvious to me by watching the way they all interact with him. I really enjoy watching him interact with his peers and friends. They are quite some people, and many of them took the time to speak to me, tell me how amazing he is, and give us well wishes.  The rest of my life is up in the air, but one thing is certain. I will be loved. I will be cherished. And I will be taken care of. My life is going to be one adventure. That is for sure.

11 February 2010

Bahrain! Im home...

I am here in Bahrain. What  I will call home for the next few weeks... for now.

There are great things happening and while I will blog about it these things later. I just wanted to say that I am here, safely, and totally protected. I have NEVER felt so emotionally and physically safe in my life. I was greeted at the airport with the most handsome man i have EVER SEEN and handed the most beautiful bouquet of all of my favorite flowers. There are pictures to post as well, and an amazing story to follow, but I have the rest of my life to write it, so we will just have to wait.

The real deal is wayyy better than the skype deal. I can't begin to express my visual pleasure.  Rick is so much the man I thought he was going to be and then so much more. He is much better looking in person, and I think he is just as thrilled as I am that I am here. Maybe even more so. He has probably thanked me about 10 times for coming out here, but for love, i'd go anywhere. That is anywhere he goes.
He doesn't stink at all, in fact he smells wonderful and I absolutely love him and while there are more things to report. I am being quite vague for now because it is Friday morning in Bahrain... Thursday was one big blur of a day of travel, as was wednesday. I'm tired from the travel and a little sore, so I plan to take it easy and see where the weekend takes me.

I am so very happy... But for now, I must get ready for church since Friday is like Sunday in that aspect. Then to brunch, then some stuff... then the ball.

pics to follow soon. Perhaps tonight. By sunday for sure.

My weekend itinerary has become quite busy with so many people looking to meet yours truely. Say hi to my girls for me. I sure do miss them

09 February 2010

Around the butt to get to my love

Today was the craziest day I have had in quite some time. To think yesterday was a challenge, but no, today, today took the cake.  Tomorrow i will just get to sleep and sleep and sleep some more. That is all that I will do. I will fly and I will sleep. I will be so happy to just sit and sleep. I will probably stay up all night working, but that is fine. I have to attend trivia at 10pm. My fans await me and I do not wish to disappoint.

After trivia, back to the home i go, and i will work and work some more.
My flight got cancelled.  I was anticipating this to happen as you can see in my blog yesterday at lunchtime. Yes. I knew this would happen. Storms do not lie, and they do not disappoint. Well, that remains to been seen. Nonetheless, we sorted it out. Now I get to fly to Dallas, then to LHR, then to Bahrain. What a flight it will be. My mani/pedi will have to wait for me in Dallas Airport, but i do not mind.. I will be unable to get it today. What am i thinking? its 8pm and i'm exhausted... And i'm sure the salon is closed. It is ALL GOOD>

i have been quite anxious and nervous and sort of hesitant about my voyage. This is the honest truth. Nothing changed, i just suddenly became weary.  Unsure. Doubtful. I went to therapy and laughed at how ridiculous my situation was. I met an older divorced father on the internet who lives in the middle east and I then fell in love and now i'm going to meet him and i was nervous as i have ever been... It all seemed so crazy.  but i said WAS. That has all changed. I am now confident and certain and hopeful and excited more than before and sooo in love.
It was crazy how it all worked. I think the stress of flying out of JFK... and then i fixed the flight by calling and being nice... which is strange. Normally i am so not nice to customer service, but even though i was quite bossy, and demanding, I made her feel nice. I said. Look, I really need to get to Bahrain on my scheduled flight and anywhere in the NorthEast is completely out of the question. I need to fly south and west because there is NO way that if NYC is cancelled more than 24 hours prior to the flight, that the delays in Chicago or Boston will be any better, the storm is there, the snow is piled up and the delays are inevitable. Why would you try to send me to an airport to get stuck when you've already saved me the trouble of being stranded at JFK?  I know you can do it. I know you can find a way. There must be a way. Can you please help me? Can you please find a way? (The person before had mentioned to Rick both Chicago and Boston, so i saved her the trouble of looking, Rick tried to get Dallas, but they said it was basically blacked out since he used his airline miles to book my flight)
SO.... She said, I think i can get you from Dallas, let me check with my supervisor (since it was mileage booked). I was IM'ing with Rick at the same time and told him. He said, oh, they will say no. they arleady did me and i say
Rick. Pray and Pray hard. You can ask the same question three times and get three different answers. I meant two, but i said three.
So Jackie came back and said... OK! You're booked!
I said WHAT?!?!? Are you serious?
Absolutely! Here are the details
And then i shocked her with my response! "I absolutely love you! You are awesome thank you so much, i'm crying right now because I am so happy. You are wonderful. Thank you for your patience and I'm sorry if I was rude or anything, i am just so overwhelmed"
jackie: "I have never had such a response in my entire life! Thank you so much." (she must be from the north b/c in the south we love everyone, we are all about some free love!!) No problem, she said You were fine. You are just trying to get there. You were not rude."
I then proceeded to see how i could give her praise to her boss and she directed me to the place.

Today was a roller coaster of emotion
And I'm so happy and good anxious.
even if i do have to go around my butt to get to my love...
Or is it my elbow?
Either way, he is so worth it.

I guess next time you hear from me i'll be a third of the way around the world :)

08 February 2010

T minus 2..

I think i am losing my mind. I leave in 2 days!!!!! I have worked so hard in the past month. harder than I can say that i have worked in quite some time. Especially on my dissertation. I'm not sure that my proposal will be completely complete by the time I leave on Wednesday, but lets hope for my sake it is, because the amount of papers I will need to bring on the plane to support the completion in time for my arrival would be quite burdensome. But I think I can do it. I will at least get that part out of the way so perhaps my trip will consist of organizing and sorting my work cited bit. Ooomph. I don't want to think about it. Oh, and on top of everything, snow is supposed to hit NYC bigtime by Wednesday. Please let me get to LHR to BAH. please please

I'm blogging from work right now. Why? Because I am eating lunch at my desk and felt like getting this out of the way. I have made countless lists of what needs to get done. The biggest deal is making sure I have my bills paid and my dogs tended to. That's really it. The rest is minor. Repacking my bag and making sure i remember all the hundreds of things that Rick has sent my way via AMAZON.com to bring. There's a plug for Amazon. It is great being a Prime member. It gives me free 2 day shipping for a flat rate each year. I love it. Of course I'm really good at shopping online. I hate crowds of people and navigating through them. Yesterday I did go to the mall. It was nice and empty, I actually never left the department store. There were so many sales. Even the things I thought were full price were on sale. Score one for me. This is why I avoid the mall. I am really good at shopping. 2 sweaters, a few odds and ends, and some jewelry, and i was done. I spent under $75 and I got some really great stuff.  I think I spent a total of 1.5 hours in there. I hate trying things on. Free shipping saves that effort. I will say, I probably do more damage shopping on amazon, zappos, and overstock because I can point, click and be done. And I don't even have to sign or feel the remorse as I walk out of the store with loads of stuff because there are no physical receipts, and if i close the browser quickly enough, its almost like it never happened. And then 2 days later (sometimes just one) I get presents delievered to me. The dress I purchased for the ball for instance. Rather than trying on dresses at the store, or wearing my classic formal black dress (from 1996), see? (i am 15 yrs old here- almost half my life ago)
 I went to a few websites, I looked at a dress, loved it, ordered it. It fits. Done. Well, i DO have to wear 5" heels to keep it off the floor, but hey? who cares? i love my heels! and it saved me the trouble of putting dresses on and off, etc etc... Once, I was trying on dresses, and I got stuck. Like literally, trying to pull this dress off it got stuck and i was really scared I was going to have to rip it off. This might have happened to me more than once. How it went on i have no idea, but the dress did NOT want to come off. I swear I was sweating in the florescent lamps of the dressing room bartering with God to just please let me get the darn thing off. I guess that is what you get for still shopping in the juniors department well into my 20's. Ok I admit, i still shop in the Juniors department, but can you blame me? I'm the same size now as I was in high school (smaller than college) and trendy and cheap are the name of the game. I don't skimp on the staples though. Nice jeans, nice shoes, nice dresses. Oh how i do love dresses, I think i've packed at least 7 or 8 dresses for my trip. Anyone that knew me a long time ago would know i used to hate the things. i would wear shorts underneath because i hated them so much. They really restricted me from being able to play, climb trees, get dirty, etc... I still climb trees and play, but just not typically while wearing a dress, though there was this one time this past summer, i think i was in a skirt and... nevermind.

So back to packing. I packed already, but now i will have to unpack, lay everything out,  eliminate half of the stuff, add about 25% more, and then i'm done. This is my process. This is how i pack. I pack. I unpack. I pack. It works.
Oh a few more pics to add: See? it grows super super fast!!!
Here are pics of my hair xmas08 and 09 (oh i must admit every year right before xmas i do dye my hair red, for like $5, but it washes out eventually and back to blonde i go.) -yes, i'm a goofball! i WILL steal the show if i can. why don't you try to stop me?

Oh, and i'm super excited about my trip. Hopefully my mind doesn't' change before Wednesday, or i'll just stay home... haha big smiles here. I'm just trying to test the durability of Ricks heart.He sure doesn't like my jokes one bit. Aint i a stinker?

07 February 2010

Things never to say to a woman


Friday night rick learned a new lesson. I'm sure with 2 sisters he has learned this before, but perhaps his last few years of being a bachelor have stunted his knowledge and understanding. Let me explain....

In preparation for my trip to Bahrain, I got a hair cut. I don't cut my hair all that often, I would say 2-3 times a year. Usually I grow my hair out pretty long, then i cut it all off and start all over. Last time I cut my hair super super short was August 2008. The reaction I get when i chop off my hair covers a wide spectrum from "OMG your hair is so adorable. I love it." to... "Oh, you cut your hair" to .... "Why in the world did you cut off that beautiful blonde hair."  You can't please everyone, so only try to live to please yourself, you end up much happier that way. Either rate, when i cut it all off, it was cute, but I was over it, so i decided to grow it out starting last Christmas ('08).  People always remark on how quickly my hair grows. i would say an average of 6-8 inches a year, but that's just a rough estimate. Nonetheless, my hair is like a weed in that it grows quickly. Any woman knows that in order to grow your hair out, you have to keep it trimmed or else you'll end up with a ton of split ends and what equates into unhealthy ratty looking trailer trash hair. No offense to anyone living in a trailer. And to be honest, if you do have ratty looking hair, then maybe you should cut off the unhealthy portion and start all over.  I don't use products on my hair, I don't color my hair,  I hardly comb it, I hardly blow dry it, i hardly do anything at all, and this enables me to go for long periods of time without cutting it. Plain and Simple. that's the honest truth. It saves me tons of time and not to mention money. On the outside i am pretty low maintenance. On the inside, that is quite another story.


So back to my story. Since yesterday was Friday, Rick asked me to call him when i was done doing whatever it is i do on Friday nights. So around 9pm, i gave rick a call. We greeted each other and as he wiped the sleep out of his eyes, I said, well, i cut my hair. Here was his reaction: "Why did you cut your hair? i liked it long...." Now you can imagine my reaction to this. Immediately, bottom lip goes out, frown takes over, and I say, "Wow, i only trimmed it, its not that bad." Immediately Rick is stumbling over his words, digging his hole deeper and deeper. I just woke up, i don't know what i'm saying. etc etc.  I'm really not that offended but it, it really is just a trim, and my hair grows quickly, but it was a lot of fun to torture him and I think i reacted in a way to discourage this behavior ever again. I quickly forgave him and that was that. He wasn't really a jerk or anything, but we all know that men have a tendency to say what is on their minds without thinking it through... I don't think he meant, you hair looks bad... they never do. Except for the times that they actually do but usually we know it by then too.


Men should never tell the truth to the following questions:


Am I fat?
Am I getting fat?
Do you think I'm gaining weight?
Does my butt look big?
Do you like my hair cut?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
Do you wish I had bigger breasts?
The proper answer to any of these questions would be.
I only have eyes for you. I love you just the way you are.  Wow you are beautiful. I love that butt. Your hair is great. What girl??? You are the only one. I want you to do whatever makes you happy because that makes me happy.


Now; i am not worried about walking out of the house in unacceptable clothing, so i'll never have to ask if this outfit looks ok, but maybe that is where you can be honest and save the embarrassment.


the good news is this. When i woke up Saturday morning, Rick was anxiously waiting for me to call him so that he could say this:v
"Sweetheart, I need you to look me in the eyes while i say this to you. I spent all day thinking about what I said to you last night about your hair, and I have no idea what I was thinking, You are so beautiful, and amazing, and you look great any way you are, and I really shouldn't have said what I did. I love you so much, and i feel horrible about what I said. Will you please forgive me?" (He probably listed a thousand other things as well, but those were for me to hear, and I'm not trying to bore you)


Of course i forgave him, i already had, and I think that he suffered far more from his comment than i ever did. Lesson learned, and i doubt he will ever repeat this offense, but i'm also sure there will be many more lessons to learn. I am so touched by his sincerity, and conviction in needing to apologize to me. I absolutely melted, and if this is a glimpse of what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life, then bring on the mistakes, the making up is the best part.


I think i'll go chop off my hair now

04 February 2010

Dredging up Old Memories

Today I had a conversation with a new friend. I was really excited and nervous about meeting this person, but I really feel like our conversation went super well and I hope that they did too. It is fun to share a common interest with someone as simple as laughter and the joy of life. That is what it is all about isn't it? Having joy?

I have all these memories that I feel like I have to write down or I will forget them forever. Like the first sleepover with my friend Michelle Hannah, I had to sleep on a cot while she slept in her beautiful Canopy bed. I woke up in the middle of the night sort of and tried to pee in the closet. i was sleep walking and really lost. I guess I was opening and closing doors in my sleep walk because her grandmother took my hand and led me to the toilet. I think I was only 4 or 5. It was so embarrassing at the time. I just wanted to cry and go home, But the neat thing is that i still remember it and now i can laugh.  I remember in 4 year old kindergarten in Mrs. Copenhavers class when the boy sitting next to me, Colin, threw up his Chicken Salad sandwich all over my left arm. It was so disgusting. I have never really liked chicken salad. This is probably why.  I can still feel it on my arm and the smell. Oh the smell. YUCK. I remember building a motorcycle out of those cardboard bricks every morning with Timothy Riley, and we would hop on and pretend to ride. This was also when I was 4.  I can still remember the exact spot in the classroom where we would play. I remember being 5, and staying at "late stay", basically where all the kids who couldn't go home after school because our parents worked full time stayed and waited.  They used to feed us butter bread at snack time. While the memory of the snack was quite tasty, and I know it would still be really good to eat (solid butter on white bread, chilled) it sort of makes me feel a little sick to think that i was served butter on bread. I guess there were no rules back then about what you can eat or serve to a kid. We also had this really great red koolaid. I doubt it was sugar free just as I doubt that butter was fat free or low fat of any kind. I still turned out ok.

Another memory of late stay, when I was probably four or five years old, it was summer time, and I was outside on the playground waiting for mom. I was wearing my green overalls that I loved wearing. I remember I really had to go to the bathroom, and i asked permission and i was denied since my mother would soon be there. Well, mom didn't get there soon enough and I peed right here on the swing because my little bladder couldn't hold it any longer. I was so embarrassed and as soon as my mom showed up i ran to her and cried and was just so infuriated that I was denied permission to use the bathroom. I remember the way my mother smelled after coming to pick me up from work. A faint trace of her perfume masked by the mustiness of the books and files and type writer ribbon smell from the law firm downtown... Yes that was the smell. I can remember it so well. If i close my eyes its almost like it was yesterday. Her necklace with the little beads on it, the beads varied in size the center one being biggest and smaller as they went out. It was gold I believe.

My father still smells the same now as he did when i was a little girl. I think it is his aftershave. but it is the smell of dad. I would never date a man that smells like dad. That would be too weird. It would be like the time I dated a guy that wore the same cologne that my younger brother wore. And you could smell my brother coming for miles, he really poured in on,  it was pretty ridiculous. But that was the last time I went out with that guy. I never told him why, and to be fair, it really wasn't fair, but if you smell like my brother, then you remind me of my brother, and that is just weird.  my science fair project in seventh grade was about onions - Why do onions make you cry? (i know but i'm not telling you right now), the research portion of my project tied into the sense of smell. Smell is the sense most closely tied to our memories. It doesn't surprise me that my memories are quite vivid. After all, i do love to smell. I smell EVERYTHING, well, almost everything. There are SOME times that i do choose to hold my breath and not smell, but that is not the point... Smelling. It's what i do, wait that sounds like i'm stinky. I'm not. But i think smelling, that is my way of remembering moments? I don't know. But I sure do remember a lot... And i'm quite certain that the first thing I will do when Rick and i embrace for the first time, I will smell him. I will take in a big lung filling whiff of him. I sure hope he is clean. This will undoubtedly leave an impression in my mind forever. He could really blow it if he doesn't smell right. 

Back to my memories, this will be the last one today.... I remember a lot about being in first grade. I got put in the "quiet corner". Surprise Surprise. It was because i talked too much. Well guess what? You can talk in the quiet corner too. What are they gonna do? Put a muzzle on me? I ultimately got kicked out of the quiet corner and put outside on the little porch. I could still see the entire class so i just stood there and made faces at everyone and danced around. What could she really do? I was 6, and a young six at that. My mom just had a baby and I probably was craving the attention I once received. I think i was just bored, lack of stimulation, and Mrs. Metcalf my teacher was quite the witch. I really disllked her. I think we all did. Would you be surprised to know that I won the award for having read the most books in first grade? 196 books in one year. I won. Elizabeth Diffey is probably still pissed off having come in second to my first.. As a reward for winning I got a trophy! Also Elizabeth gave me a piece of grape bubble gum. I put that gum in my mouth in the middle of class and the stupid twit told on me. Some reward. I think it was a sabotage. But i won the trophy and she didn't. Suck on that Liz! I still cannot believe she told on me. It was a total set up. I learned then and there not to trust anyone. I still have trouble trusting girls. I blame her. I guess that was a pretty big life lesson for a six year old. What a hard life lesson indeed.

03 February 2010

Nobody's Watching

When you think nobody is watching you, it is easy to do things you might not normally do. You compromise. You negotiate with yourself. You wager. You make deals. Just this once you might say. We all struggle with something. Be it looking at certain websites, partaking in certain activities, using certain language, eating things we shouldn't, drinking things we shouldn't, using our bodies as pure wastelands, running red lights because nobody is around, speeding because the roads are vacant, taking a piece of candy from the bin because its just one and nobody will notice, sampling the grapes you have in your cart even though you are to pay per pound, the list goes on. We all have sinful nature, we all have hangups... We all do things when we think no one is watching. I myself am guilty of being imperfect. I am. Surprised? I didn't think so.

But what if someone WAS watching you? What if someone IS making a record of every action, every move you make, every time you go to places you shouldn't go?

Imagine the way you feel when you suddenly see blue lights flashing in your rear view mirror... Most of the time, you know already what you have done wrong... You will feel the blood rush to your head, your stomach  will jump into your throat and you will slip into panic mode and the next things you do and say will be the judge of your character. Do you quickly admit to your wrong doing and seek forgiveness? Do you yell and scream and take it out on everyone around you? Do you deny that you have done anything at all and claim that everyone around you is a big liar? Do you cry and plead and beg that you will never do it again? Will you try to point out that what I have done is indespicable and that you are much better than me, thus turning the spot light away from yourself and onto anyone and anything that you can? Will you admit to what you have clearly been caught doing? Or will you continue to vehemently deny it? What if there was no way you could justify what you did? You can't talk your way out of it. You are just plain caught. Red Handed. What if someone has been watching you all along? Its not about what they have done, it is not about the dust in their eye anymore, it is about the plank in yours. Can you even see the plank? Or have you grown so accustomed to it that it is part of you. Your sin, is part of you, and you have convinced yourself that you are normal, that you have done nothing wrong. That the rest of the world is at fault, and you yourself are to remain blameless. Everyone around you has been fooled, but what if we show them the tape? What if we show them the photographs? What if we show them the hidden camera footage? Will you still try to weasel your way out of it with your charm and deceit? How can you argue infallible truth?

Will you continue to deny it? Will you continue to justify? Will you continue to act? Or will you finally give it up? Will you finally let it go? Will you find that NOW is the time to MOVE ON? Because you are in a corner. You are stuck. And there is noone to blame but you. You alone. No one made you do it. You did it. You control you. I control me. Get it? I will make that point time and time again. The only way out is through the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free. Will you take it? Or will you continue to hide? It's your move. Its no longer about everyone else. This is about you. It is all about you. Isn't that just what you wanted?

02 February 2010

Watch out for that PLANK!!!

Matthew 7-  is a great book of the bible for anyone, believers or not.
- DO NOT judge lest ye be judged!
- Why do you point out the speck of dust in your brothers eye, when you yourself are dealing with a plank in your own?
- Seek and you will find.
- A good tree bears good fruit, you will know it is good by its fruit.
- Build your house on the Sand and you are looking for an adventure to the bottom of the sea

Call me a sinner as much as you like, but show me your blamelessness and I shall listen with fear. He who is without sin - he is dead and has stopped breathing. We sin just as we breathe.
If you can really see all that i'm doing wrong through that spear stuck in your eye, then you really do have great vision. Well done.
WE may act like a tree, we may talk like a tree, but when our fruit is nasty, and nobody likes us, we might as well be firewood. Good fruit is like love and kindness. Just because you pour on the sugar, doesn't mean the substance is any good. It just means the sugar is working. It will fade. Be weary.
my statemnets above refer to the colourful commentary that ricks blog received tonight. It was very entertaining. Ricks blog basically talked about the Improv show he directs and the upcoming one for tomorrow night. It was funny to read about and I am anxious to watch.. Tomorrow is the next to last show. The very LAST show will be while i'm out there for my visit! Here is the newspaper clip and weblink

http://www.gulf-daily-news.com/NewsDetails.aspx?storyid=269813

His comments were something like this: An "anonymous" post followed by another "anonymous" post from one of ricks friends in Bahrain, and then i commented (b/c i couldn't resist) and then one more anonymous. I think I have discerned all but the second commenter who i hope to meet soon... I'm so glad that my ex husband doesn't know about my blog. He does know that I have met "the one" and that I am planning to relocate ASAP, but that was more for my sake than his. I think somewhere in his head, despite the fact that hes had the same girlfriend that he had the second I kicked him out of my house, I'm still the one he chooses. He makes it clear every few weeks with his text messages. Especially the last one i got, which I hope to be the very last. If my boyfriend sent a message like that to his ex wife, i would tell him to get lost. If my ex's girl knew the things he said to me, she would probably run, but vengeance is God's not mine. Rick wouldn't do that though. He has moved on. He called me (in not so many words) an upgrade to SUPER FIRST CLASS with ALL VIP ACCESS!; seriously. I believe it too. I'm pretty great. Not because i'm conceited or all about myself. I am not. BUT i am confident in the talent and abilities that God has given to me. I am blessed. I am blessed beyond all measure. And now finally, a man to not only appreciate me for all of me and all I have to offer, but a man that will in return, offer me just as much if not more. HE is pretty freaking great.... The events of the next few months will be enough to overwhelm even the most impulsive reader. I hope you stay posted. Sometime by 11th Feb in the afternoon EST, i will be sure to post a wonderful pic of ricky and myself, together at last. 8 days will not past quickly enough. Thanks for reading.

01 February 2010

Mail Received

I mailed Rick a card a few weeks ago. A real, hand written letter. i was so excited about him receiving it before i arrived in Bahrain.  This morning I woke up to the following email:

Yes I was surprised

Quite blown away actually.  My heart kind of stopped when Simi meekly came to my desk and offered me this strange card.  I don't get much mail at the office or anywhere.  Usually it is a bill.  But this was an odd shaped card.  I looked on the back and saw the post mark of *******, NC.   A smile slowly broke out over my consternated look of confusion.  I opened up the card and as I read my heart melted again.  You make my heart melt like soft butter in the hot arabian sun.  You make it melt over and over again.  How do you do that?  As I was reading the card, I was swelling with pride.  You make me feel so good about myself.  I am not used to that.  As I've told you again and again, my self-esteem was completely bottomed out with my divorce and I learned to get my esteem from God and God alone.  That is the healthy way to do it.  But to have someone like you prop me up is quite disarming, appealing, and intoxicating.  I am just not used to it.  As I read your words my chest begins to puff out and I think, am I really all these things?  Am I really that good looking?  Am I really that amazing?  Am I really all that special?  I guess the esteem that I got from God dealt with my professional abilities, my love for others, and my heart.  I neglected the romantic side, since it didn't really exist.  You are helping me rediscover that Jennifer.  Maybe God is using you as a tool to help me see how special I am.  Its easy for me to see how spectacularly different that you are.  I can go on and on about what a unique work of Art that God made you out to be.  When I say that there is no one like you out there in the world, I believe it whole heartedly.  You are a treasure.  Im used to giving out love and admiring.  Im just not used to having it reciprocated like you are doing.  It's different but I like it.  I could get used to this.  That makes me want you all the more.  You are my treasure.  You are the needle in the haystack that God showed me exactly where to look.  This is really different for me, because I haven't been loved or admired romantically for so long.  I forgot those feelings inside of me even existed.  But you are bringing me back to life.  I guess I didn't know what I was missing until you showed me the way.  Im so hopeful and confident about our future.

Yes, you are the one...you are the one...you make it all worthwhile....

Ricky

I don't think Rick has ever been loved the way God designed for us to love one another. I look forward to the chance to show him day after day, how God intended for him to be loved. Neither of us were ever loved that way. Despite the mistakes we made in our past, we were taken for granted and mistreated. I am quite convinced of that.  Isn't it great that we both get another chance to love and be loved as God designed? I think so. In 9 days, i'll be in the air... headed to find out for sure.