15 January 2010

New Dresses and Cyber Dates...

Today was a wonderful day. My past few days at work have gone incredibly well. i have been able to stay focused and have been quite productive. I am thanking God constantly for enabling me this success in my day to day life at work. Tonight I had a meeting to attend, and spent some time talking with some of my girlfriends and arranging coffee dates in the days to come. And then I had a date with Rick. I was very excited about this date as I had a new dress to wear that I wanted to show off... Only 26 more days until i depart, and 27 more days until I see him for the first time. I have stated to more than one person that he is the greatest man i never met.... Tonight I put on the new dress in an effort to make the relationship feel as "normal" as it can. Our relationship is anything but normal. I even ordered my favorite dinner for takeout. I just got home from the date actually. Ok, so the date was in the living room of my house. We talked for hours. Rick invited me on the date earlier this week, but told me that I had to wake him up to initiate, and that he would get as must rest as he could beforehand. I did as much as i could before the date to allow him as much sleep as I could stand. I made it to 430am BAH time, which is 830pm here. We have so much to talk about. It requires great discipline to end our dates. We just want to be together. We want to share everything, and we both know that there is not enough time in the world and that we will never tire of one another. There are times in our conversations that we just stare at each other, drinking in one another's essence. Not because we have run out of things to say, but because we are both amazed at the deep emotional, intellectual and spiritual bond we share. He always stops me mid-sentence to tell me that at that moment, he is falling in love with me... more so that the minute before. It makes me melt.

My boyfriend is this amazing man that has kept a blog for over year, which has proven to be useful because I can follow his past history, some of which includes his meeting women and falling for them. I can follow the drama in his life which is less than desirable, and I can see patterns and consistency. For me to become deterred by his life or past would be silly. I would be pointing at a speck of dust in his eye whilst dealing with the plank in mine. I'm quite the optimist, and know that I too have thought I was falling for a man once or twice since I got divorced. The first one was built upon a stack of lies. Not my lies, but his. I fell for a man that was not who he claimed to be. I think they call this a scam artist. I don't even think he realizes he does it. I think this is called living in denial... I'm glad it didn't work out. There were too many things that i needed to change about him. I had even sent him a list of what i needed in a relationship and told him that if he could not live up to that list, we might as well end it. Guess what? it ended. I even tried to fight to keep it alive despite the inability to reciprocate, but this was just because i was so afraid that i had failed again...
A lot of my guilt in getting divorced was due to my fear of failure. I've not met failure many times in my life, and when I have, it was not without great effort and fight on my part, meaning, if i have failed, I know that I did the best i could. It takes a lot to knock me down. I am quite a remarkable woman, and i'm not saying this to be self centered, but I am strong willed and determined.

I know my blog is quite sappy and heartfelt, but if you knew me well, you would know that I too am quite sappy. I would even go as far as to say that I am a hopeless romantic, except I'm not. I'm quite the opposite. I am HOPEFULLY romantic....

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