I'm not surprised that there are skeptics in my life, especially right now.
I think the biggest test will come on Tuesday, when I tell my therapist of the news. He has been in my life for over two years now, and while I'm sure to shock him with all of this, I need him to ask me the difficult questions that i have probably already asked myself, and also the questions that i have yet to ask.
I AM quite surprised that my sister has informed me that she is my cheerleader in all of this, and that I must ignore the skeptics and go for it. My parents are sounding relatively happy amidst all of this, asking good questions about who Rick is and wanting to know more about his life and family. For the first time in my life, I am with a man (i use the word "with" quite loosely here - haha), that I would gladly let my father call, meet, interview, ettc etc. Never before have I dated a man that I would throw into the presence of my fathers interrogation w/o being there to mediate what he was allowed to ask, or worry how my boyfriend was going to answer. Again, i use the word "date" quite loosely. Its hysterical when i think about it. All of it. But I'm certain. My closest friends are being quite supportive, telling me to follow my heart. That brings me comfort.
My dear friend AWS is a big supporter and fan, and since he has been by my side for the 15 months as I began my dating journey... I am quite reassured by his vote of confidence. He did however inform me that he will chain me up if i attempt to skip town before i finish my degree. While this is quite nice of him to say, i'm a bit unmotivated right now, but Rick has let me know that he is going to motivate me, and I'm quite excited about that. He better. Rick do you read this? You better motivate me because there are a lot of people that will throw tomatoes at your face, slander your name, and threaten your manhood if you get in the way of my degree. Ha Ha. I'm not kidding though.
To the skeptics I must say: Life is short and uncertain. Follow your heart, and live out your dreams. Couples in courtship spend countless hours together, watching each other eat, going to view movies, and exploring their physical chemistry. Couples do things together that are active and require little communication.
I have not had the luxury to explore the physical chemistry that Rick and I share. I have not had the chance to go on a walk, hand in hand, and listen to the sound of the ocean waves hitting the sand. We have had a few meals together, but only across space and time. We have embarked upon a journey and I know this man greater than any other man I've ever met. I know his heart. I know his passions, his desires, and I know, without a doubt, that he is going to surprise me, captivate me, and sweep me off my feet more and more, every day. And I also know that there is so much more to learn about him, and I can't wait to find out. I even look forward to his annoying habits. Yes, he is sure to annoy me. And I will annoy him, but here is the beauty of all of this.... with Christ in our hearts, our minds, and our souls, we will overcome anything. Absolutely anything. We have already shared our deepest and darkest secrets, and despite these, in spite of these evil doings I should say, We love each other more. I have never felt so in love with a man in my entire life, and I am reassured by the promise that...
We will choose to love each other every day. When the butterflies fade (as if!), when the hair falls out (not mine of course), when the bellies bulge, when the dinner gets burnt, when temper flares (this will be me), and when the selfish acts that come with human nature forget to put the other first and cause hurt and pain, we will look each other in the eye, and we will CHOOSE TO LOVE. The choice has already been made, the committment to love, honor and obey that shall one day be sealed by the Hand of God... That will conquer all. I honestly feel as though I am floating on air. As though God himself has laid his hand upon me, and is protecting me with His Spirit. And perhaps he is. Perhaps ricks blog, which receives far greater hits than mine, is motivating people to pray for me, and perhaps that is why the presence of God feels as though it is upon me right now.(since i've yet to share mine with hardly anyone, though that shall change)
And when the skeptics laugh, when they balk, and when they doubt, we shall hold our heads up high and know, in our heart of hearts, that no man shall tear asunder. Jesus said this... I had to google the reference. I had only heard the quote, I did not recall the source. It was Christ our Lord. Matthew 19:6.
The magic of it all is this...
Everyone dreams of falling in love. Of finding that perfect person. The one they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Don't they?
But does everyone dream of a long term courtship? countless dates? waiting to know for sure? Does anyone dream that it will be a long, gruelling process of dating mishaps, and waiting the appropriate amount of time to be sure, and then and only then can they take the leap?
No. They don't. They skip right to the part of the fantasy, where they are in love, have found that person, and are embarking upon the journey of a lifetime.
Well guess what? I'm going to skip that part. Because I know. And unlike the critics, I don't have to endure months of interviewing Rick to get at the essence of his core being. I don't have to doubt. I choose to believe. I choose to love.
And i know that I have always wanted it to be just like this. I have not even seen my love face to face, i have not even held his hand, felt his embrace, touched his skin... BUT I know, he is in fact, the man that I choose, as long as he chooses me first... And something has told me, that he already has...