28 January 2010


Forgive me Father, For I have sinned....

The brown stuff hit the spinny thing today, and while i could not tell you about it, i will instead, let you know what God is doing. So that you can offer up your prayers for me and Lady.

It happened again. I explained to her everything and what a wonderful man my boyfriend is, but she would not hear it. She challenged me in every possible way, and i was able to refute each challenge that she presented. She came to me with bullet points and offered more and more reasons to run. The thing is, Ricky and I have been attacked a lot lately, and this was not Lady's normal attack, she was ON FIRE. This was much more of a spiritual attack than that. I told her that I wanted her to be happy for me, and that is the ONLY reason that i told her at all. I regret this more and more, but aside from that, i did not need her advice because i have my own mother and father. I really feel that this is the enemy using her to attack my spirit. Am i going to run away from the enemy? Absolutely NOT. When your back is the the enemy, you are the most vulnerable. The bible talks about wearing a suit of armor, but nowhere in the bible does it talk about protecting your backside. Why is this? Because God wants us to face our oppressors head on. He tells us that HE will be our strength. Let me quote Paul:
Ephesians 6:10-18
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Am i being a bit dramatic here? Maybe. But is that what he wants us to believe? That we are imagining the evil and it doesn't exist???
Trust me. I am praying in the spirit. I can feel the attacks on me, and they are getting stronger. But I cannot be shaken because God promises to protect me as long as I live within his will for my life. I am so excited about the amazement of God and the wonderous things that He is doing in my life. My struggles are gone. My will is stronger. And my desire to Seek First and be the Godly woman that He has called me to be has increased ten-fold. I just knealt in my office and offered up my prayers to God to continue to put his blanket of protection over me and over rick, and to heal this woman that unfortunately was used to challenge me and my faith. I have prayed to God time and time again, and even asked Him to raise the flags if there were any.

I pray to God every day that if Rick and I are not meant to be, then we can humble ourselves before Him and admit that we were wrong and with our tails between our legs, carry on about our lives. God will make this apparent if it is not His will for us to be joined. But the amazing thing is this. When people are joined to do Gods work, the enemy wants nothing more than to destroy that. To break those people apart and keep them from being vessels for God to use. I am a vessel. God will use me as He so desires. I will admit fault if Ricky and i are not meant to be and i will gladly change my tune and profess to the world that we were wrong. But i have NEVER in my entire life faced so much oppression. This is real here. This resistance is not from God. These are not RED FLAGS that i am merely ignoring. There is no merit to any of these claims other than, FEAR, Lack of Understanding, perhaps Jealousy, and bitterness. This is not about whether or not in 20 years I will wake up and regret that my husband is now 61 years old. Who are you to claim that a 49 yr old woman won't love her husband just as much when he is 61, as when he is 41. Not a single one of you. That disgusts me. And you need to know it. Because God made our hearts, he made us. Intricately designed. Our minds are quite unique. All of us. And just because his hair is gone, his libido lost (heh heh) or his vision impaired (which btw i'm the farsighted one here, not him)... Who is to tell me that I am incapable of loving him just as much then as i do now??? Think about it. That is just ridiculous. But you know what? I won't love him the way i do now, I will love him MUCH MORE. Because God is the center of our love, and as long as we SEEK FIRST, we will not waiver. We are quite certain.

I immediately called rick once this transpired. Yes it was 130 am or so, but here is the amazing remarkable thing. This man, that i have not yet met in the flesh. He woke up, seconds before i placed the call, looked at his phone, AND it rang. We are connected in a way that only God can explain. Let our lives be a testimony to that. We are certainly blessed to have each other. And the enemy cannot steal our joy.

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