After about a year of dating losers, guys that were just not good enough, men that would never stand up to me, absolute doormats, I decided to take a different approach.
No offense to the men i've dated in the past year, but come on...
Weak Christians (if Christian at all)
Poor socioeconomic status
the list goes on
I was settling for anything that moved and gave me attention.
Men that would get my number and never call.
Men that would get my number and hide behind text messages.
Now the thing is, i'm not an ugly girl. I know this. I'm not.
I'm quite attractive by the worlds standards. I am pretty sure of that.
But... what? what was I missing?
The last man I met and consequentially married, I met at church, so I was a bit apprehensive to meet a man at church, let alone GO to church.
I just wasn't ready. Because to be honest. I was burned by the leaders of the church. I felt that way anyways.
So.... frustrated with meeting men that just didn't add up. Disappointed that the men I did meet either shyed away, OR worse, had such horrible flaws and lack of faith in God as i know Him, I decided to take a different approach.
I applied a filter, and because I knew so much about Dr. Neil Clark Warren and his Christian viewpoint, I choice to join eharmony. Mostly because I knew that eharmony based itself on basic principles and values. And because I was ready to quit settling for whatever I could get, hoping to maybe inspire change or God in a man. I raised the bar. What could it hurt?
At first i was hesistant to post my picture and actually pay, but then an amazing thing happened. I received an email that said basically I could join eharmony for three months for 19.99 a month. So I thought why not. My fear in posting my picture stemmed from pride. I was embarassed that I had to stoop so low as to join a dating website, but if you think about it, I basically cut out the first three or more dates of getting to know someone and their core tenents. I cut out the difficult conversations of asking a man what he believed in, and what his walk with God looked like. Tired of hiding my religion and faith deep inside my heart, I took a leap.
I joined eharmony on Nov 17, 2009, but i only had my settings set to my local area. A few days later after a slew of disappointing matches, I read the website on how to maximize my search potential and took heed in enhancing my search to the entire world. The entire world? Yes! All of planet earth.
My basic must haves did not change, so it would limit the chances of being matched to a total atheist, but now rather than searching my county and surrounding areas, something like a 50 mile radius, I was searching all over the world, and my max age was 41. I was matched to younger men and men my age, but let me be honest. I'm not interested in a man my age. Why not? Well for starters, most men my age, are still figuring out what they want, and most of the time, its about their needs. Not to say that there are not men out there in my immediate age bracket that would want nothing more than to make me happy, but i've met these... and frankly, i'm not interested. I want to be adored, attended to, loved, cherished, appreciated, and most importantly, i want to feel safe. I want to be able to trust my future husband with not only my heart and soul, but my life. I want the man that I can trust to make sound decisions that are best for the entire family and not question his choices for one single minute. Sure I will challenge him, and certainly I will be vocal in what I think in feel, but ultimately, I want to submit to my husband the way God calls me to. I will love, honor, and most importantly respect him. I will do whatever it takes to make him happy, just as he will do anything to make me happy. AS long as i'm happy, he will be surely happy, because I will see to that.
Less than 48 hours after expanding my search to the whole planet, i received a match from a very attractive and articulate man, from Bahrain. Bahrain? Where is that? Its an island east of Saudi Arabia. The MIDDLE EAST!?!?! And the match, lets call him Rick, he requested communication right away. And me? I read his profile and was a bit hesistant, so i paused a moment. A part of me wanted to close the match, but i didn't. I just waited. He had children, and he lived in the middle east. Was this something that i would be able to manage? Is this something that i could see myself living with? These are difficult questions that I had to ask myself if I was going to be honest, because if i did not see any possible way that I could accept him for who he was and where he was just then and there, then the fair and right thing to do would be to close the match. So i paused, perused the rest of my matches for a few days, and then responded to his first questions. It couldn't hurt to see where this led... I was just getting the hang of how this whole thing worked anyways, and at this point, they were just harmless questions. I reciprocated with my own first round of questions and that was that... 10 days later, on December 5th, i was getting the swing of things and realized it was my turn to initiate the contact by sending him my "must haves and can't stands". He responded with his almost immediately. I'm talking minutes here... 4 minutes to be exact. Looking back, Rick is 8 hours ahead of me. It was 6:23 pm my time, which meant he was sending these to me at 2:27am his time??? Granted, this was a saturday night for him, which now that i'm aware, is like a sunday night here (weekends there are Friday and Saturday - weird right?)
And that is where i stopped. The next step was to send my second questions. Since he initiated the first round, I had to initiate the second round. I guess that is just how it works. It was 19 days later and Christmas eve. I was sitting in bed at my parents house watching my nephew sleep.
I hesistated, and looked at his profile...
I re-read what he had to say. He had kids, so i assumed he waas divorced. Ok, well anyone that knows me knows how much i love kids, so I figured I would be ok with that, depending on the situation. I really think my major hesistation was that he lived so far away. I wasn't sure how this was going to work, but i was intrigued, especially when i read this last statement he made about himself
"I'm pretty sure I could sweep you off your feet....especially if I get a running start. Im pretty confident, so if you give me a sliver of a chance and I think I can stand head and shoulders above the rest (i always bring a ladder). I'm a writer-director, so if you give me a chance with a return email, I think you won't regret it. I lived and worked in Hollywood for several years but I've been globe-hopping ever since with year long stints in Taiwan and Saudi Arabia."
i was intrigued to say the least and while i hesistated and almost closed the match i decided that I really needed to go the second round and see where it led.
I submitted my questions and waited. The next day was Christmas, and I was extremely busy the next few days with my parents and my nephews, and then I fell ill. I mean I was extremely ill from the evening of December 25th well into the new year. I drove back to my house on Monday the 28th so that I could see the doctor and get some medication. I think i was at my grandfathers house eating dinner when i read his answers and I was tickled. Here was his response to my third question
What are you looking for in a relationship partner:"
Im looking for someone to believe in me. To help provide inspiration and motivation to be the best person that I can possibly be. I also long to shower that person with adoration, love and affection. As an artist I long for a muse. Ah yes...and sex...Sex would be good too. Can a Christian say that?"
First of all, he wants to shower his partner with adoration love and affection? are you kidding? He was speaking my language loud and clear... And the sex? Well that was just funny, and to be honest, a breath of fresh air to hear another Christian state that he loved sex without being crude. ITs true. Sex is great, Married sex that is.... I couldn't help but to smile and feel warm inside... And then he sent his own set of questions. I think this is where I reeled him in.
I don't mean to make this blog so long, but i haven't posted since september first, and my life has been a bit chaotic... and now exciting. And i really just want to report the truth, the facts, and well... my story.
I received his questions on that Monday that i was sooo sick and headed home, so I didn't respond right away. I actually went home, got my prescriptions, and slept for six days... But I coudn't help but be a total smart ass to his first question:
How do you feel about Long Term relationships and are you open to living overseas
I knew what he meant. He meant to say Long Distance, but he didnt'. He said long term. Um, i'm on an internet matching service, and I wasn't looking for a date. I was looking for a mate. Pure and simple, so it was instant for me to respond as such:
I can tell you are trouble. :) Long Term relationships eh? Well, i'm only in it for the quick ones so i guess I can't answer. Oh wait, i think you meant Long Distance... Right now i see it as doable because I am stuck in this area until I finish writing my PhD dissertation. Once I finish, i will have much more flexibility to do what I want within certain boundaries, until i redefine those. how vague is that? I love "overseas" depending on where "overseas" would be... I love to travel and I love European culture from what I've observed. Then again, I love the pacific coast of Costa Rica and its simplicity. I love older European cities and the marvelous travel infrastructure... I adapt well to most climates, esp the warmer ones
Question 2: What are your dreams?
i dream every night... I love when I can remember them. Personal dreams? I want to be a loving wife and mother. That's something I see myself being in the next 10 years I hope. I dream of a better world. I dream of environmental responsibility. I dream in Techni-Color. I dream for a simple life in a simple time where less is everything and more is just a weight that holds you down. I'm presently in the process of distributing my share of "more" to those that have "none" or "much less"... I like to use quotes (a new realization) The more i make my situation less, the more freedom I gain. Less is so much more. As one of my favorite mentors tells me (as he quotes some musician) "small House, Big Life" I see that in my life so much. I have a much too big for me home that would be much to small for most everyone I know, BUT i have a big life. The only things holding me back are these pets I own and sort of love... they really are the best dogs ever :)
Question 3: (this is my favorite one)
If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?Wait...I don't want to waste my last question/wish with that one.Can I ask for three more questions or is that against the rules?Wait I don't want that to be my questio either.iranoutofspace
Ok. The first question he asked me was hilariously accidental and allowed me to show my sense of humor. The second question was just completely open. And this one? I laughed as soon as I read it. I seriously thought to myself, is this man drunk? I mean really? Was he??? Because, WHAT???? I smiled ear to ear and sent my response:
I would be a mighty oak tree, or a Sycamore tree. why? well, I do like to climb trees and sycamores tend to be the easiest and they grow so fast, they have HUGE leaves that fall off and the bark peels like paper which I find to be super cool... you really made me laugh. You can ask me whatever you want. and yes its ok to talk about sex. YOu are allowed to want and enjoy sex in the right context. I understand this all too well. And I understand that there are married women that fall short in that category a lot and men grow frustrated. Do you know it happens to women to? I.e. husbands dont want to have sex as often as the wife. its true, and that would realy suck. I think that is important to think about in the event of a long term relationship - which inevitably leads to sex. married sex of course ;)
These are very personal things that Rick and I shared together, but i feel like it is important to express my point of view in the matter. And that being... This man has made me laugh several times. I'm really excited now. NOne of my other matches could hold a candle to this man. They were boring, and stiff, and to be honest, they were like cookie cutters. And the ones that initiated the open communication, which is essentially, email. The messages were short and dry and lacking personality. I was bored with them all, and to be honest, I was ready for my three month membership to end, with the exception of this man that i slowly drew in.
He sent me a very sincere message, let me know that I made him laugh with my responses, and sent me a link to his blog. I replied, it was like 3am and I had to return to work the next day after my 10 days off, but I had slept for most of those days due to being sick, and I was pretty excited about his email and checking out his blog... He wrote me back again, so two emails in one night, and i started to respond, but it was so late, and I just had to go to bed, so i saved my text to review and send the next day, and i went to bed smiling and hopeful.
It is now the 9th of January early morning... The last few days have been an absolute whirlwind.... Rick and I have probably talked via instant messenger and SKYPE for over 20 hours and sent countless LONG emails to one another
I love that he is a writer because i love to write and am quite prolific (clearly).
Rather than receiving short, undetailed and boring messages, I'm receiving a sensory overload. I'm processing so much information right now, and i'm anxiously awaiting the 12th of February, the date I fly out to Bahrain to meet the man of my dreams face to face.
Would i plug eharmony to anyone? It depends.
I joined looking for one specific thing. A husband/partner/perhaps a soulmate. My intentions and desires were clear to me, and i wasn't looking for dates. I know exactly what i want, and i'm pretty certain that I've found it.
I was led to this site by God. Because a Godly man that I've listened to and read, founded the site, and i believe in being equally yoked. Searching a website that really began for just that reason... to bring like-minded people together... It just felt right.
I paid for the service on Nov 17th, expanded my search 2 days later, and was matched to Rick in 2 more days. I was told, when God moves, He moves quickly. If this is not a testimony of just that, then I'm not sure what is. My faith in God has been restored tenfold, and my desire to seek, honor and obey Him is stronger than it has been in a very long time.
I'm excited of the possibilities, and realize that my life and the adventure is about to begin. I am ready to go wherever God wants to lead me, and I am ready to follow this incredible man to the Middle East, and to all the ends of the earth. I cling to the promises that God has blessed into my life, and embrace the possibilities that He is in control, He is larger than I ever imagined, and I have never felt such love, joy, hope, faith, and peace about... well... about everything.
I found the love of my life in four days, and even though I didn't recognize it for over a month, the seed was planted. I am grateful that Rick was patient with my hesistance, that he pursued our match, and that we took the leap.
Life has become ever more difficult because now that I know this man, I cannot imagine another day living without him. I feel an emptiness when he is gone, and long for the next phone call, or instant message that comes my way.
I'm supposed to be sleeping right now so that when Rick calls me tonight (when he wakes up in the morning ) I will have had some rest, but i'm way too excited to sleep. I've been this way all week, and while i believe that all of this energy and excitement will eventually quell (thanks rick for the vocab lesson), i don't believe it will dissipate, not now, not ever.
We have a mutual attraction to one another, and we are commited to making this work. I'm wondering when I will ever sleep again, but I don't care to dwell upon that.
I just know that I'm about to embark on the biggest adventure of my life with my best friend in the entire world. God is absolutely amazing, and I wouldn't have it any other way. God knew the desire of my heart and I look forward to seeing what he has in store. I look forward to meeting Rick, so that all of that which i feel to be true, will be confirmed...
I am so in love, I am absolutely glowing. My friends are all recognizing the instant change in me. And I have never been so excited in my entire life.
I love you ricky rick.