20 January 2010

Hitting a Wall

It finally happened. I hit a wall. I have not been taking good care of myself, though its not entirely my fault. I haven't been tired. Not at all. I have been going going going going going going going going going going going going (GET IT?) for a little over 2 weeks now. Work, School, Friends, on top of the other things in my life like cooking, cleaning (well sort of i do have a housekeeper but I still have to put my laundry away and do my dishes), blogging, oh, and talking to my boyfriend. We talk so much. Especially between 11:10pm and 2am. I am done. Spent. Its over. I can no longer keep this up. I was so energized. Hyper even. BUT i am finally spent. I AM SPENT. I will keep saying that. Its done. I'm done. Put a fork in me. I AM DONE. today i noticed my attitude was starting to wane, I am feeling depressed and sad, but i have no reason to feel this way and suddenly it hit me. I haven't slept well in weeks! I am nearly done with my work day but decided to BLOG from here because one i leave, I am going straight home, I am going to maybe eat food if i so desire to make the effort, I am going to hang up this dress, I am going to feed my dogs, and I am going to take a nice hot shower, and crawl into bed. I will not pass GO, i will not collect $200. I will go straight to BED.
When my phone rings at 11PM,I will not be able to talk unless for some reason I get enough sleep, but i doubt it. I have been sleeping for 4-6 hours a night, but very unrest. I wake up in the middle of my sleep and then go back to sleep. That resets the clock and my REM must reboot and begin again. I don't even know what that means. I'm a statistician.... Numbers people numbers. I need a good 8 hours a night. I do. I always have. I can do less for a little while, but now 16 or so days into this. I'm done. 4+4+5+4= EXHAUSTED. its simple math. Last Friday i stayed up all night ebcause after my date, it wasn't bed time, and then Ricky woke up again and i was still awake, and then we finally said goodbye and then my soon to be big sis Kristen called me from California and we talked for 1.5 hours... See the numbers? 530am on saturday i was going to bed.... 4 hours is not enough. Adrenaline has peaked and fizzled. I need sleep.

I leave for Bahrain in 3 weeks. I will be en route this time 3 weeks from now. And I'm thrilled. I'm going to a BALL! My very first date with Ricky Beeman will be a ball, and how wonderful is that! I have a new dress that I would love to share with you all, but I won't because it is a surprise. And it is totally elegant and gorgeous, and in my sister Lori's words beauteeeeeeeeeeeeful. Big smiles to you WO-WI. (that is my name to her among others...) I am not going to share it because Ricky will not see it until I have gotten ready for the ball and put it on. I will have my own room when I go out there, so that will not be a problem! Everything has fallen into place. I am allowed to work from Bahrain, so i do not have to take all of my vacation time. I am extrememly blessed beyond measure in every aspect of life except one, and now i must resign to this one area... SLEEP.

So goodnight. I pray this night bodes me well, and I am filled with uninterrupted ZZZZzz's...........


  1. It's the most beautiful dress i have ever seen. I love it!

    Love, MOM

  2. Hey...how do I email you?

  3. Dear Anonymous,
    You may email me. I believe that I have updated my profile with my email address.
    Thanks for Reading.