17 January 2010

Getting into a Groove

Things are going well, and I'm super motivated to finish my dissertation. Its nice to have someone so supportive (and so far away as to distract very little). I have a lot of fans cheering me on to finish, and while i'm often finding many reasons to quit, give up, and just move on, I am re-energized, and ready to face this ugly monster head on. Trust me, I can think of countless reasons why I should just give up. I have a great job and career already, and the advancements made by finishing the degree would be very little if at all, at least not immediately, but I cannot give up the race. This is indeed a marathon, not a sprint. Seeing as how i have been a doctorate student since the Fall of 2004, I know this all too well. Lets see, that means that I am coming upon the completion of my sixth year, and I have only four more years left until my clock runs out, but I have bigger aspirations. I aspire to finish my degree by May of this year. Enough is enough. I am done. The research is complete. The results, while not what I desired, are there. And the paper is halfway written. If only I had as much energy writing a dissertation as I do writing a blog. But the problem is not in writing. The problem I have is in reading the literature and summarizing what has already been done. This proves difficult for me. I have a learning "hangup", and if you would have told me or my high school teachers that I would be working towards a PhD, i think they would have laughed. Well, I would like the last laugh in all of this. Now that I have found love, I can think of nothing better than to run into his arms, and leave this world behind, but that is not what I will do, and that is not what Ricky would encourage me to do. He is, in fact, my biggest cheerleader right now. He is disciplined, and he is not accepting anything less from me. He is encouraging, uplifting, and inspiring. My trouble with learning is in reading. I have a horrible time reading and comprehending. I have to read the same sentence/paragraph about 20 times before it can process, and even then i struggle. I have discovered ways to overcome this. I have to write what i read, so i find myself getting tired of reading with pen in hand, but once the words flow from the pen onto the paper, they are stored in my memory, and I can continue reading. The stack of papers that I have to read right now is quite tall, but I must press on. This is not over yet. My goal is to finish before I am 30. This is a fair goal, but the clock is ticking and time is drawing near.. tick tock tick tock... Dr. Sloan. I like the sound of that. I always have. I always will. It is who I have determined myself to be. Right now that is being quite lofty and ambitious, but today I rediscovered my love for this paper that I am writing... it is a bittersweet love, not without much pain and suffering. But I have had enough. I will press on. I will cross that line. I will finish. For i know that if i do not, i will live the rest of my life with what might have been. I am ready to commit 3 hours a day. I am ready to spend my nights and weekends pouring myself into this. It won't write itself, and I'm not getting any younger.

No comments:

Post a Comment